Christmastime Gives Me An Excuse To Consume Bad Things

Other than buttermilk or liquefied Crisco it seems that eggnog is one of the most fattiest products you can drink. I don't know about you but I'm not a huge fan of buttermilk and drinking Crisco may sound like fun but I'll bet it's not all that tasty. However, I can imagine the internal lubrication and the constant moisturized skin would be lovely.

Eggnog brings back fond memories for me. As far back as I can remember, starting on Thanksgiving, my grandmother would always have a carton of eggnog in her fridge. I would pour myself a small glass and sip it because if I drank too much at one sitting I would just puke it all up and really, that's just being wasteful. Me being... well me at the time I didn't know this and was told, "Hey! Stop drinking all the goddamned eggnog in one sitting. All yer gonna do is throw it up. One small glass at a time!" Trust me when I say this was done all in a soft tone and out of love. She had referred to me as "Hey!" and not as my full name so that meant the level of shit I was in was lower than average. As we all know, when our elders scream out our full names it's time to hide in the closet and pray to the deity of your choice that you don't get a whoopin. Also, quickly prepare a story of exactly how you didn't do whatever it is you're about to get in trouble for. Anyways, my love affair with eggnog is long and full of fond (and not so fond) memories.

Not so fond memory being that one time on Christmas Eve when I thought it would be hilarious if I snuck some rum into my eggnog. Seeing as how the smell of the nog would cover the smell of the booze no one would be the wiser! Heh. No one was the wiser until I started acting like a drunk and slurring my words. Drinking was never considered a big deal in my family, especially on holidays that required us to interact with each other for hours at a time, and more than likely my mother figured that I would realize the next morning just exactly how much I would live to regret that decision to spike the eggnog. She was right. There's nothing worse than having your three year old sister wake you up in at 5 in the morning because, "OMG Santa Claus came!" and hauling your 14 year-old hungover butt outta bed to open gifts when you feel like death. And so began my hatred for hangovers and really, shouldn't I have learned my lesson by now?

Each year at Christmas I look forward to purchasing that one carton of eggnog to savor. Seeing as how most people I know loathe the creamy egg filled deliciousness made by the hands of Jesus himself I can usually assume I will get the whole thing to myself. This year is no different. I have been fighting the 'nog craving for weeks now and yesterday I gave in. With the excuse that I would save it to take to the in-laws house on Christmas I was more than willing to share my treat. However, I learned that none of my in-laws liked eggnog. It's a Christmas miracle! Thank you sweet baby Jesus! With that knowledge and with my craving finally getting the better of me I busted into that cold jug. Poured myself a big glass and happily sat in bed and sipped it. Well at first I sipped it, then gulped it down and the best part is... I didn't even feel guilty about it. It's full of calories and sugar and fat and everything that is bad for me but I didn't care. It was so very very tasty.

I have a feeling the eggnog won't last the week.

Now I've shared my favorite Christmas treat, so what's yours? What do you absolutely HAVE to have?