Wednesday, December 30, 2009

My Year In Pictures (For The Most Part)

January -

Rockin out!

What a way to start off the new year. Dancing, drinking, laughing, doin the stanky leg and the single ladies dance. It was by far the best New Year's Even party I have ever been to in my life.

My birthday came and went and nothing bad happened! In fact, it was a fantastic birthday. The best evar. I was showered with gifts and love and even received my first lap dance. I could've done without the lap dance.

February and March -

Thomas and I started to quietly plan our wedding and get details in order. We continued to work out on a regular basis but we seemed to be treading water. It would be another month before we started to hit it hard.

April -

Thomas The Wizard

OMG so dirty but so cute!

We hit up our not-so-local Ren Fest for wenches and beers and anything that had "ye olde" something or other in it. I got to hold my first piglet and Thomas got to play with swords. All in all I think it was a successful trip.

May -

Teh gurlies

We are such goofballs

Someone's a happy camper

May was the kick-off of what turned out to be an amazing summer. Trips to AZ for a SWMH Club meeting. Seeing my baby sister graduate from high school. Good times with great friends and lots and lots of beer. Summer = beer drinking, it's just the way it is.

Thomas and I announced our engagement to our families in May. With a wedding date and location set we knew that it was time to continue stepping up our gym game. We worked hard, every single day, and it was really starting to pay off.

June and July -

OMG We are SO adorable!

Complimentary dessert!

Picking out a wedding dress, continuing to work out, willing the months to pass so we could get to the end of September. Thankful that summer was in full force we spent a good amount of time sitting by a pool. Thomas and I properly celebrated our first year together by stuffing our faces with tasty food and thanking our lucky stars that we found each other.

August -

Wedding Gifts!!

One month away from the wedding and we were beyond excited. At this point I started seeing noticeable changes in my body after working out so hard over the summer. Feeling fantastic and elated that we were hitting our goals. Seeing a concert with friends and enjoying our last bit of summer.

September -


FINALLY! September was here! Oktoberfest and Vegas! There was a lot of beer and food consumed in September.

Surrounded by the people we love we said our vows. I have never been more happy in my entire life! I am still so touched that every one came. I have so many wonderful memories and I am thankful every single day that we are so loved.

October -

Big Tex!

With summer officially over and the warm weather making it's way out of town we hit the Texas State Fair for fried foods and more good memories. We were most definitely enjoying married life.

November -

We stuffed our faces at Thomas' parent's house for Thanksgiving and booked ourselves a cruise for much warmer destinations. With the weather getting more and more chilly out Cozumel in January was starting to sound like a fabulous idea.

December -

The last month of the year had finally come! Christmas parties spent with friends. A quiet and uneventful Christmas at Thomas' parent's house. And finally Thomas' birthday. We now look forward to New Year's Eve and another party guaranteed to rock our faces off.


I know everyone says how they can't believe how quickly the last year as flown and how SOOOOO much has happened to them in that year and blah blah blah, but in my case it's absolutely TRUE.

When I was going through all of our pictures to prepare for this post I was amazed at the number of months in which we didn't take a single picture. This whole year was a blur. A wonderful blur. We seemed to cram a lifetime of memories into 365 days but we still have so many more memories to make.

Thank you to my beautiful friends for making this yet another year to remember.

Thank you to my husband for being my dream come true. I love you.

Good-bye 2009, I will remember you fondly.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

From Me And Mine

To you and yours,

To those of you who celebrate it, Merry Christmas. To those of you who don't, I'll drink your share of the eggnog. I'll take the fruitcake too.

What? I like fruitcake. It's tasty. Don't judge me.


Monday, December 21, 2009

Christmastime Gives Me An Excuse To Consume Bad Things

Other than buttermilk or liquefied Crisco it seems that eggnog is one of the most fattiest products you can drink. I don't know about you but I'm not a huge fan of buttermilk and drinking Crisco may sound like fun but I'll bet it's not all that tasty. However, I can imagine the internal lubrication and the constant moisturized skin would be lovely.

Eggnog brings back fond memories for me. As far back as I can remember, starting on Thanksgiving, my grandmother would always have a carton of eggnog in her fridge. I would pour myself a small glass and sip it because if I drank too much at one sitting I would just puke it all up and really, that's just being wasteful. Me being... well me at the time I didn't know this and was told, "Hey! Stop drinking all the goddamned eggnog in one sitting. All yer gonna do is throw it up. One small glass at a time!" Trust me when I say this was done all in a soft tone and out of love. She had referred to me as "Hey!" and not as my full name so that meant the level of shit I was in was lower than average. As we all know, when our elders scream out our full names it's time to hide in the closet and pray to the deity of your choice that you don't get a whoopin. Also, quickly prepare a story of exactly how you didn't do whatever it is you're about to get in trouble for. Anyways, my love affair with eggnog is long and full of fond (and not so fond) memories.

Not so fond memory being that one time on Christmas Eve when I thought it would be hilarious if I snuck some rum into my eggnog. Seeing as how the smell of the nog would cover the smell of the booze no one would be the wiser! Heh. No one was the wiser until I started acting like a drunk and slurring my words. Drinking was never considered a big deal in my family, especially on holidays that required us to interact with each other for hours at a time, and more than likely my mother figured that I would realize the next morning just exactly how much I would live to regret that decision to spike the eggnog. She was right. There's nothing worse than having your three year old sister wake you up in at 5 in the morning because, "OMG Santa Claus came!" and hauling your 14 year-old hungover butt outta bed to open gifts when you feel like death. And so began my hatred for hangovers and really, shouldn't I have learned my lesson by now?

Each year at Christmas I look forward to purchasing that one carton of eggnog to savor. Seeing as how most people I know loathe the creamy egg filled deliciousness made by the hands of Jesus himself I can usually assume I will get the whole thing to myself. This year is no different. I have been fighting the 'nog craving for weeks now and yesterday I gave in. With the excuse that I would save it to take to the in-laws house on Christmas I was more than willing to share my treat. However, I learned that none of my in-laws liked eggnog. It's a Christmas miracle! Thank you sweet baby Jesus! With that knowledge and with my craving finally getting the better of me I busted into that cold jug. Poured myself a big glass and happily sat in bed and sipped it. Well at first I sipped it, then gulped it down and the best part is... I didn't even feel guilty about it. It's full of calories and sugar and fat and everything that is bad for me but I didn't care. It was so very very tasty.

I have a feeling the eggnog won't last the week.

Now I've shared my favorite Christmas treat, so what's yours? What do you absolutely HAVE to have?

Tuesday, December 15, 2009


I am currently suffering from an incredibly awful case of Blogger's Block. In order to get over this I plan to throw out random bullcrap just to see if this gets me over the hump. If it does, Hurrah! If it doesn't, well shit, I dunno.

From the 'I'm the best wife in the history of evar' file:

Thomas has been wanting some bling for a while now. We've wondered from shop to shop, store to store, trying to find the perfect accessory for him. You know the one. Blingy, yet not too blingy. Shiny, but something that doesn't scream, "Hey! I'm a guido! Just need a pinky ring and more chest hair and I'm good to go!". What better way to show your love for all things jewelry while still maintaining your non-douchebag status than to sport some lovely baby blue box bling?

Yes, I know, it's perfect. And even though his birthday isn't for another couple of weeks I couldn't contain my excitement. The day it arrived in the mail I proudly handed him the beautiful box and watched his jaw hit the ground. He knew exactly what it was before he even opened it.

Note the pillow the bracelet came wrapped around. In some places you buy a bracelet and it comes wired down to come piece of velvet lined cardboard. When you buy from Tiffany it comes with it's own PILLOW. And bag. AND box. Lord.Have.Mercy.

From the 'I too am growing tired of talking/hearing about my own weight loss' file:

I can't help it though, it's like I'm obsessed with it. I would bet you that I think about calories and carbs and protein and calories spent and workout routines at LEAST 8-9 hours a day. The rest of the time is filled with eating, sleeping, doing actual work, staring at the TV mindlessly, Mafia Wars, sex, and/or sleeping.

The eating itself is completely insane. I HAVE to eat in order to lose weight. Seriously. How insane is that?! It used to be that I would go one or two days without eating and I'd drop 10lbs like it was nothing. Now? HA! Yea, right. Now if I don't eat, I don't lose weight. I don't gain muscle, I don't lose fat.

Yes, I realize this is not a scientific breakthrough on my part. This has been known for many a years, BUT it's new to me.

I am so very very close to a HUGE goal. So close I can smell it, I can see it. It's hard though. If my eating isn't right I lose all energy. If I eat too much I feel weight down. Eat too little I barely have the strength to lift that curl bar once, let alone the three dozen times I'm supposed to. It's frustrating and exciting all at the same time.

The world outside of our home is a cruel place. Everywhere we turn is food that we shouldn't eat. Food that we can't eat. By can't I mean we can, but unless we want to live on Gaviscon and Pepto the rest of the night it's better that we abstain.

From the 'It's about damn time' file:

Let's all congratulate Thomas on his new writing endeavor - The Quest to be Broly: True Tales From A Non-Gym Rat.

In this blog we will follow my fabulous husband in his quest to become stronger, fitter, an healthier. However, not sexier because, you know, he's already at max capacity for that.

He is funny and witty and there are pictures! So go read it, dammit.

From the 'Welcome to Texas! Now let's drink beer and play with firearms' file:

Last weekend was my annual office Christmas party out on a ranch in the middle of nowhere. The greatest thing about being in the middle of nowhere is you can have bad aim and worst case scenario you might shoot a tree. Or a cow. Whichever.

You may find the entire set of photos here but these are a few of my favorites:

It was cold out there. Like super duper freezing red nose cold. The booze and the Baileys in my coffee definitely helped.

I think someone was feeling pretty good at this point. We all headed out to the field to get our shootin' on.


He is so very very gangster.

Ugh. Seriously. Must I cheese it up in every single fucking picture?

There we go. Much better. Bad ass status: Confirmed!

Speaking of bad asses...

The bad assness was short lived. Oh well. At least I look cute with my pink gun.

We are so super cute. Finished shooting, heading back to the house for warmth. And more beer.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

I Heart Food Filled Holidays

Yes, this is a Thanksgiving post. Yes, I realize it's a day early but come on, who has time to blog on Thanksgiving? I plan to have my butt parked on the couch watching the parade, sippin' on coffee, and waiting to head to the in-laws so I can finally eat some damn turkey and stuffing.

Do you know how long it's been since I've had stuffing?


It's been a long time and my heart aches for it's carb-filled deliciousness.

Over the last week the internet has been filled with the "I'm thankful" posts. From blogs to Facebook people have been giving thanks for the blessings in their lives. Small ones, big ones, funny ones, and touching ones. So this is me, jumping on the internet bandwagon, giving thanks.

I am thankful for...

- The roof over my head, the healthy food in my belly, and the secure job that provides those.

- My health.

- My beautiful, funny, confident, and fabulous friends. Each one of them inspires me each and every day. They are the wind beneath my bingo wings.

- Family, both related by blood and by marriage. Even when they annoy me to point of contemplating homicide, or at least researching which less than stellar retirement home I will put them in one day, I still love each and every one of them.

- Thomas, the man I would move mountains for. The man who loves me fiercely, makes me laugh like no other, takes care of me, and proves to me each and every day that he would do anything for me. Without him I don't know where I'd be, but I can guarantee you that I wouldn't be near as happy and healthy as I am right now. He is my rock, my support system, the Ben to my Jerry's, my soulmate. The man I am proud to call my husband.

Happy Gobble Gobble Day, everyone!


I had to take time away from couch sitting and parade watching to update this post. Today is not only Thanksgiving but also our two month wedding anniversary. I received this note from Thomas in my inbox this morning:

"I know there are all the cliche things that people say they are thankful for but I wanted to write this note special for you.

It's been a while since I could really say I was thankful for anything significant. I've got my health, family, a good job and the typical things but this year specifically I have you in my life to be thankful for. You were an unwavering guiding light during the difficult times and a solid foundation for me to rebuild my life. I am unequivocally thankful that life is with you.

You are the parts of me that were missing for so long and I have realized that I lost myself somewhere along the way in the past. Together we have regained our identities and found ourselves again and, in many ways, found out more about ourselves than we may have imagined. Everything I do is for us, for you and for our lives to hopefully be enriched by my actions. I'm thankful for having you there to appreciate every part of who I am and what we are becoming as husband and wife. In taking some cues from our favorite Tuesday night show, our journey is never ending, constantly changing and becoming better as the days and weeks pass. I could never be who I am today without you, my love. You are my soul mate, my best friend, my workout partner, my inspiration, my reason for everything I do and, most importantly, my wife. I'm sure you know by now that there are no lengths I wouldn't go to ensure your happiness and provide you with everything you deserve. I hope I never fail and that will forever be my greatest fear but that is my burden to bear.

I'm excited about what is to come and thankful for everything that has been. I love you with everything that I am. You are my life, my love, my Queen.

With eternal love and affection,


Once again I am reminded how lucky I am and how thankful I am to have that man in my life. I am wishing everyone the very best this Thanksgiving. May you be surrounded by the ones you love, may your plate be full, and may you always remember what you're thankful for.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Pro Tip

If you carry a purse and in this purse you carry around a few different bottles of medications AND those bottles tend to be the same in color and size, please take my advice: Don't be a retard and not look at the labels before taking pills or else you might end up taking two caffeine pills instead of two Midols like you had originally intended. And then you'll end up wired like a methhead on a binge WITH some cramping, bloating, and irritability.


Thursday, November 19, 2009

I Feel Pretty...Oh So Pretty...The Lower Half At Least

After HOURS of scanning the intarwebz I FINALLY found a bathing suit I didn't entirely loathe, courtesy of Victoria's Secret. I didn't have to spend a fortune on it, I even got free shipping too. It was perfect. Until I put it on.

I had tried to order what I THOUGHT would fit me properly but apparently I over-estimated the size of my ass and UNDER-estimated the size of my torso. Whoops! So when I put it on a basically looked like a lumpy sausage with a baggy ass.

Needless to say, that suit is going back.

This is where I give MAD props to VS and their system. I found another suit online, called their number, and they are sending it to me with no shipping, AND it took all of about 5 minutes. Dear God I hope this one fits me or else...well I don't know but SOMETHING will happen! More than likely I'll throw myself on the floor and cry like a toddler. Or maybe I'll grow up and just re-order another damn suit. Whichever.

In other news, I am excited to report that there are 51 days til my fine Victoria's Secret swimsuit clad ass will be on A BOAT headed for Mexico. I.CANNOT.WAIT.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009


If you own a dog, any kind of dog but especially large breed dogs, please heed this advice: Be ye not as stupid as I and buy some effing pet insurance. Miss Delighla has gone and ruptured the ACL in her knee. After speaking with the vet and with a kind receptionist with a chic South African accent at the orthopedic veterinary specialist's office AND learning that a surgery that MAY (that means it MAY NOT) return her to 100% AND that chances are, if she has this surgery, that she might then injure her other leg in the same fashion AND also learning that this particular surgery is about $3,000.00 (yes, you read that correctly. it's THREE THOUSAND DOLLARS OMFG.) Thomas and I have decided to take other measures. With restricting her activity, watching her closely, and giving her medication I am hoping this non-invasive and gentle approach to healing is going to work. She's not in pain, she eats like a horse, her behavior and demeanor hasn't changed a bit. She's just got a little limp.

You wanna know the best part though? Even if I buy pet insurance now and even if I have the surgery done for her, the pet insurance will not cover the other knee if it goes out as well. HOW AWESOME IS THAT?!

And get this shit right here, people - the orthopedic specialist? He works for a group. This group has four locations in Dallas AND they have cornered the extremely profitable market in orthopedic surgery for dogs! There are no other surgeons in the area that are not a part of this particular group! Now, isn't that just special?


Tell me something, how in good conscience can a store sell a bathing suit for more than $50?

I have to be on a boat headed toward the Caribbean in 60 days. I have to find a suitable and attractive swimsuit to wear on said boat for 5 days. I would LIKE to find one that isn't going to cost me a goddamned car payment.

Also, the people who design these suits are either blind or fucking retarded because the patterns SUCK. I'm sorry, leopard print on a tankini is NOT attractive. Horizontal stripes? HELLO! Unless you're a size zero with a love for purging your meals then horizontal stripes are going to ALWAYS make you look bigger than you really are.

Once again, men have it so easy. Nobody cares what they wear, as long as it isn't some thonged zebra-striped banana hammock. Throw on some trunks and some flip-flops and they're GOLDEN but us lady folk? We've got to wade through the halters and the strings and the v-necks and everything else to find something that won't make us look like Shamu on spring break AND THEN pay an arm and a leg for it.

Good Lord.


To my neighbors upstairs,

I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.

And I hate your kid.

The people below you who can HEAR YOU SNORE and who purposefully have loud sex in the hopes that it wakes your brat up

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

I'm An Ass

At the optometrist office, chit-chatting with my doctor while she fills out paperwork on me...

Her: "So I see we're changing your last name."

Me, giggly/gushing/bragging: "Yup! Just got married last month and it's been absolutely wonderful! Are you married?!"

Her, face fallen/perturbed: "I'm newly divorced."

Me, asshole: "Oh. I'm sorry?"

Her, silently hating me: "Thank you."

Me: *mentally slaps my own forehead*

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Well, Is It?

Is it weird that even though I hate myself for scrap-booking our wedding that I get a sense of accomplishment after I finish working on a page? Six pages down, only 111ty pages to go...

Is it weird that I thank my immune system every morning when I wake up that I haven't gotten the slightest bit ill lately? With everyone around me coming down with something every day you would think that I would be lying in bed, dying a slow death but not feeling a thing thanks to the wonder that is NyQuil. All hail my immune system!

Is it weird that when I found out from a cousin that my father's mother had died last week that I didn't really feel a thing? I've only met her a handful of times in my entire life and I'm sure she was a great woman but when someone you're related to by blood just up and dies I would certainly think I would feel something about it.

Is it wrong of me to quietly cheer on the people on Twitter who call my mother out on her bullshit? There are a number of people on Twitter that loathe my mother. Mostly because she's a bigot and prefers the caps lock a little too much, but also because she never.shuts.up. I'm almost certain if she could she would "tweet" all day long. Thankfully Twitter was smart enough to put limits on the amounts of "tweets" one can "twitter" throughout the day. And with that I feel like a gigantic douche for even knowing those terms.

Is it strange that I go to a certain nail salon because the owner not only speaks perfect English but also because he works alone most of the time and I feel better knowing he's not talking about me, in a language I don't understand, to someone else?

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Another Goal To Achieve

Six months ago all I wanted to do was get to the point where I could comfortably fit into my wedding dress. While I had my cheat days (and sometimes cheat weekends) I still managed to achieve my goal. And while the size I wore in Vegas was one size more than I wanted to be when we set foot on The Strip I was content with myself and what I had accomplished. I worked my ass off, literally, to get to that point.

Now it's time to move on to the next goal - being happy with myself, in a bathing suit, for the cruise.

I have 81 days before we step foot on the boat. I am giving myself 70 days to reach, what I think, is a reasonable and attainable weight amount. I have a new workout routine that seems to be working and I'm back to eating clean and healthy meals. I am absolutely determined to be one size smaller by January than I am right now.

If you'd like to know what routine I'm currently trying check out I'm focusing on the Push/Pull routine at the moment.

Monday, October 19, 2009

My Day Off And We Start Another Countdown

Have I mentioned lately how much I heart my in-laws? I'm not even kidding either. These people are absolutely amazing. We can show up any time. They feed us. They give us beer. And then? They make us laugh. A LOT. Oh and then they offer to pay for a cruise for us for a wedding gift! Yea, read that again. A 5 day cruise to the Caribbean in January. Paid for. WOOOO!

82 days to go...

I woke up this morning and I just couldn't do it. You know those days where you're sitting in bed and having that argument in your head about whether you should just get your ass up and shower or stay in bed and sleep? I did that at 6:00 this morning. The lazy-skip-working-cause-it's-Monday-and-fuck-Mondays-Mo-won. I love that Mo. She's my favorite.

Because I absolutely loathe daytime television I've been cleaning since noon. Channeling my inner Monica Gellar and Danny Tanner I'm kicking dust bunny ass today. It's amazing what you can get accomplished when you don't have that 8 hour workday getting in the way.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

I Would Like Some Cheese With My Whine

It's been almost three weeks since our trip to Vegas and ever since our return I've had something gnawing at me. Like that fly that gets in your house and then dive bombs your head or lands on your Dr Pepper can, it's annoying. Infuriating even. To the point where you'd rather burn down your entire house than use a fly swatter to kill the little bastard. Or maybe it's just me and my anger management abilities.

I'm about ready to burn the mental house down.

What has been gnawing at me is my family. Specifically my mother and my grandmother. To make matters worse (or is it better? I can't tell.) is that neither of them have any inclination. It's business as usual.

I wrote about my family's lack of enthusiasm before the Vegas trip. Hell, it took them twice as long to book as it did everyone else who came along. I even said to Thomas that I just hoped, when it was all said and done, that I didn't end up regretting inviting them. I wish it wasn't the case, but a part of me does regret it.

I had such an amazing time in Las Vegas on our trip. I was surrounded by wonderful people almost constantly and I felt nothing but love from them. However, I did not feel this way when my mother and grandmother joined us, when they chose to and to be honest it wasn't very often or for very long. I wasn't concerned about their behavior or if I would be embarrassed by them. How they act is not a reflection on me, it's on them.

What bothered me was the way my mother tried to control a situation (and our vacation) when she had no right to do so. For example, when Thomas and I landed she informed me, through my sister via text message, that I was to give them a two hour notice if I wanted them to be some where. Without the two hour notice they would stay in their rooms, un-showered all day, and would not bother themselves with showing up. When I did give them several hours notice during the trip they still chose to not participate.

What bothered me was how negative and insulting and full of complaints they were. Example: "Las Vegas is too hot" "We're still on central time and at 8PM we are starving. I can't believe that you want us to wait this long to eat" "Those shoes are slutty" "I can't believe I spent this much money to get my hair done for this wedding"

What bothered me was how my mother chewed with her mouth open and talked with food in her mouth during dinner one night while sitting across from my dear friends.

What bothered me was when I told her - after only being around her for a mere 45 minutes and had already taken on several complaints and one or two insults - was that I really hoped she behaved like that the following night while she was eating the gourmet meal I was paying for.

I hit below the belt.

At the time the shock on her face and the redness in her cheeks was worth it but now that I look back on it it wasn't worth it. We were going to be surprising everyone with the meal. Originally we had asked everyone to pay for their meal at this particular restaurant but things changed and we had decided to make it a surprise for everyone instead. Unfortunately people found out here and there and only a handful didn't know. I wanted it to be a nice gift for them. A 'Thank You' for being there. For coming so far just for us. Instead my anger ruined it and it went from being a gift to more like a slap in the face.

I was angry at myself for letting them get to me. I was angry at myself for letting them attempt to ruin my night. I was grateful when the meal was finished and I chose to walk away from my grandmother and my mother. With my fake smile plastered on my face and the half-hearted hug goodbye with the statement that I was looking forward to seeing them the next day. Thankfully I was swept away by my then fiancee and gaggle of friends to celebrate our last night as two single people.

The day of the wedding my mom committed my numero UNO pet peeve - she was late. Not just once. She was late to the appointment to get her hair done. The one SHE called me and asked ME to set up for her. She was late meeting the group before the limo arrived. Her, my grandmother, and my sister walked up just as the limo was arriving and then seemed to be irritated at me because I did not immediately tell her how pretty I thought she was. Instead of her telling me how beautiful she thought I was in my wedding dress all done up (with perfect hair AND make-up may I add) the attention had to be put on her. When we came back to the hotel to wait for dinner she insisted on returning back to her own hotel so my grandmother could change clothes. I had told her over and over and OVER again to be there shortly before 6PM to be seated for dinner. 6 arrived and all of us were seated at the table. My family was not there. Of course they weren't. Even though she had almost two HOURS to do whatever it was she had to do she was still late. They eventually waltzed in around 15 after 6. I will refrain from going into how she had a conversation at the dinner table with my in-laws about a subject that I expressly and courteously asked her not to have. One in which she promised me she would not broach.

By the time the trip was over I had had my fill of my mother. I was angry, and obviously I'm still angry. We haven't really spoken since we both came home. She's gone back to her constant ranting about politics and I've gone on doing what I was doing before Vegas. This past weekend Thomas and I went to a store and carefully picked out large and beautiful frames for our families. Tomorrow I will mail out a framed photo to my mother and my grandmother along with a thank you note telling them how grateful we are that they came to be with us on our wedding day. I want them to know that even though they did not live up to whatever expectations I had set for them inside my own mind I did appreciate the effort they put forth to actually get out of the house and come to our wedding.

I realize that I'm kind of being a big baby about this whole thing. I mean really, who doesn't really dislike their parents from time to time? This is nothing new, especially for me, but it needed to be said. I needed to get it off my chest and hopefully when I put these words out there I can finally lay it to rest and move on. I will eventually get over this, it'll just take some time.

In the end our wedding and our trip was wonderful, magical even. The people we love, and who love us back, were there 100% in spirit and it showed. For those of you who read this and were there, thank you. Thank you for supporting us. Thank you for snapping me out of it and reminding me that Thomas and I were there for ourselves and were there for fun. Thank you for distracting me with shiny things and alcohol and for making me laugh even as I was crying. Thank you thank you thank you.

P.S. And thank you to Thomas for not telling me to suck it up but instead listening to me rant, holding me when I cried, and for being a wonderful husband even before we said "I do".

Monday, October 12, 2009

Eff Em Elle

It started out so innocently.

"I think I'll have some pictures printed from the trip to Vegas and make us a nice photo album!"

Then it got bigger...

Cashier at Michael's after spending two hours searching for an album and then stickers and then card stock and then glue and then frames,

"That'll be $189.00, please."

Now it's just gotten out of hand. I went to Hobby Lobby today on my lunch break.

Sweet Baby Jesus, help me.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Thursday Hates

Soak 'em up, people.

* Humidity in October. I swear to God it's like an effing sauna in this town. My face feels greasy constantly. Like to the point where I'm almost certain that at some point in the day I blacked out and someone poured olive oil on my face and then rubbed it with a luke warm pepperoni and cheese pizza Hot Pocket. It's FALL! The air is supposed to be crisp and I should start wearing cardigans or some shit. I should NOT feel like I'm living in some third world jungle country on the fucking equator.

* Dealing with bureaucracies while trying to change my last name. For real, this is just retarded. I've had to go to three different places and stand in lines and be near the general public with their swine flu's and their children that cry and filling out this form and that form. THIS SHOULD BE EASIER! Like you go to one place on-line, submit your marriage license and pay them whatever amount of money they want and BOOM! Your last name is changed on absolutely everything.

* People who cannot leave a proper voicemail message. Seriously? It's 2009. How is it that there are people left in this world who do not know how to slowly and CLEARLY speak their name and their telephone number? Reminder to the human race: I am NOT a mind reader and if I can't understand your message, guess what? I DON'T CALL YOU BACK, SUCKA!

* People who use the word "good" when they should use "well". "Oh yea, I did real good on that one." Ugh. Did you not pay attention in 2nd grade English class or are you just that fucking retarded? Way to make yourself sound like a true uneducated hillbilly. You're gonna go far in life.

* People who park in my covered, reserved, and PAID FOR parking space outside my apartment. I hate you. I truly truly hate you. I hate you even more at 1 in the morning when we're just getting home from an awesome night out and all I want to do is get out of the car and inhale the Taco Bell we just got and then go to bed but I can't do that can I? You know why? Because you parked in my spot and unreserved parking is SHIT in our complex and it's either risk parking in what I think MAY be an unused covered parking spot OR park on the other side of the freaking complex. I hope you enjoyed that slip of paper on your windshield from my husband that informed you how very lucky you are that you're even able to drive your car away. Next time? I hope you enjoy the brick in your driver's seat.

* Your = your. You're = you are. Your != you're. Enough said. Also, if you have a full keyboard either on your phone or at your computer...please, for the love of all that is holy and good in this world, STOP using U for you.

* The people who live above us in our apartment building. There's just the two of you and a toddler. How in the HELL is it possible for you to make SO much noise constantly? Are you doing acrobatics? Working on your jumpshot? I really don't care to know what y'all do up there but I wish you would stop. Now. My pictures on the wall are crooked and I'm almost certain that one day one of you is just going to go through the floor and land in our living room. Also? I can hear you when you snore. Get some Breathe Right, homey.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Yea, I Know. It's Been Two Days.

Do you realize how long it took me to get all of these pictures together? Like A WHOLE WORK DAY. Stealing pictures from your friends and putting them in order is hard freaking work.

I give you Viva Las Wedding! A Collection!

And if you haven't yet seen Elle's account of events then please do yourself a favor and read it NOW. She kissed Roy Orbison! *Heh*

I'm still processing the events from the weekend in my head. So much was happening and THANK GOD people who were more sober than myself were taking pictures so that I can go back and see what was really going on around me. We're still expecting more pictures from other friends as well and I can't wait to add them to our collection.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

He Made An Honest Woman Out Of Me

We are back and we are married. The End.

Ha, just kidding. Do you REALLY believe that's all I would say about the trip? Oh hellllll naw. We've got a lot to cover so go ahead and get yourself a cold one and get comfy.

First, US Airways can kiss my ass. Our departing flight was canceled and then those of us in the party were all scattered about throughout the day on different flights. Did we eventually all get there with luggage and without killing someone? Sure, but that still doesn't make up for the fact that SOMEHOW my in-laws were upgraded to first class while the groom and bride-to-be were left back in coach with the other schmucks. Did we still get free drinks on the plane because the flight attendant knew we were getting married and was an absolute doll face? Yes, yes we did. But really? First class? REALLY?

We all got to Vegas in one piece. Couple by couple we trickled into Sin City and eventually we took that damn city over. There were a total of 18 of us scattered around the strip and somehow we all managed to get together several times for drinks and dinner and gambling and just enjoy each others company.

I am still absolutely amazed at how well everyone got along. Don't get me wrong, Thomas and I don't befriend people who are dicks but when you get such a large and diverse group together you expect some people to just not like other people. This didn't happen. In the end everyone loved everyone else and what a giant ass RELIEF that was for the two of us.

We took LOTS of pictures and we had our picture taken just as much. Thankfully we have friends and family who love to take pictures of us as much as we do! Those will all be coming shortly.

The day of the wedding was both wonderful and painful for both Thomas and I. We had drank too much the night before and also ate at The Worst Buffet In Las Vegas. God knows what made us sick but it was hell. I literally thought I was going to die and I was so sad that I would die before getting to marry Thomas. That's how bad it was. However, no matter what total shit we felt like we still got ready and we still looked amazing. We got up there and said our vows and both of us almost lost it a couple of times. We have some amazing photos that we will look at and cherish forever.

We are married and I couldn't be any happier. I married my best friend, the man of my dreams, the person who makes me better. I am so thrilled at what we have in store for us in the future.

Pictures to come.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Funny How Most Of Our Weekends Involve Beer

Would you like to see photos of Thomas and I and our friends drinking German beer, eating German food, and omm-pop-popping our asses off? OF COURSE YOU WOULD!!

Addison, Texas Oktoberfest 2009!

I'm not even kidding you, that was a fabulous way to spend the Saturday before we head out to Vegas. And this photo?

KILLS ME! Best picture in the history of EVAR. It's not only the fact that these two are wearing authentic German hats and drinking authentic German beer IN TEXAS but also that the hats? THEY MATCH THEIR SHIRTS. It was totally by coincidence that it happened too. Trust me on this one.

I also find it humorous that most of our pictures are of ourselves and the people we are with totally camera whoring it up and not of actual scenery or, in this case, old white men with funny accents in short pants and suspenders. Oops.