Funny How Most Of Our Weekends Involve Beer

Would you like to see photos of Thomas and I and our friends drinking German beer, eating German food, and omm-pop-popping our asses off? OF COURSE YOU WOULD!!

Addison, Texas Oktoberfest 2009!

I'm not even kidding you, that was a fabulous way to spend the Saturday before we head out to Vegas. And this photo?



KILLS ME! Every.single.time.I.see.it. Best picture in the history of EVAR. It's not only the fact that these two are wearing authentic German hats and drinking authentic German beer IN TEXAS but also that the hats? THEY MATCH THEIR SHIRTS. It was totally by coincidence that it happened too. Trust me on this one.

I also find it humorous that most of our pictures are of ourselves and the people we are with totally camera whoring it up and not of actual scenery or, in this case, old white men with funny accents in short pants and suspenders. Oops.

Fantastic

I <3 Zach Morris

Guns, Visiting The Naughty Store, And Playing With Baby Pigs

Warning: This post was written after several cups of coffee and an energy pill. The poor grammar and puncuation may make your head explode. Read on at your own peril.


I'm never surprised anymore where Thomas and I seem to end up on the weekends. One moment we're at the gun show looking for ammo, the next we're walking out with Thomas smiling from ear to ear cause he's got a new bang-bang toy, and then we end up at an "adults only" store laughing our asses off at butt plugs and giant dongs, and THEN we're at the mall making fun of fake plastic people and King of the Gingers (for real, the dude had a ginger fire red fauxhawk that was like 2 feet tall and arms so long he could've scratched his knees without bending over) and then we LOL'd all the way home. Also, the mall on a Saturday night? Filled to the brim with hormonal teenagers and you could smell the cheap perfume, Proactiv, and pheromones as soon as you walked in the door. You couldn't PAY me to be that age again.

So Sunday morning Thomas and I head out with a couple of friends to the renaissance festival of awesomeness where we proceed to spend more money on beer and games than on food and I got to hold a baby pig (seriously, baby pigs are adorable and I want one now and I almost CRIED when I held the little pink one. You can see the GLEE on my face) and I took video of Thomas shooting a bow and arrow and I fed a llama and Kimberly cried cause of the haunted dungeon that her husband forced her to go in to and I saw a lot of nerds and hippies and women who were bearing their midriffs when they really REALLY shouldn't have. We took a helluva lot of pictures and we laughed all day and then we had Chinese food and went home and crashed hard core. So I'm gonna stop with my horrible run-on sentences and finally post the damn videos and pictures. ENJOY THE AWESOMENESS.

Renaissance Festival - April 2009 - Picture set



Oh Em GEEEEEEE baby piggehs!!!!


Thomas is SO the new and improved Robin Hood.


Heh heh, I said "Whack it"


P.S. 3 days till my ass is in Arizona chillin' with my girls and basking in the hot ass sun and laughing our butts off on the porch. WOO!

Facebook Addicted Vain Dirty Whore

First off, isn't it amazing what a good haircut will do for the soul? I'm vain enough as it is and stop to look at myself in every mirror I come across but it's just getting ridiculous now. When your rear view mirror is permanently pointed at you instead of at a position to you know VIEW THINGS BEHIND YOU so that you can gaze at your gorgeous mug every few seconds and correct your fabulous shiny lipgloss if necessary and play with your newly acquired bangs then you know you've got a problem.

I think I'm officially addicted to Facebook. Just when I think I've checked out every app and every quiz and every status update BOOM! something new comes along and then I spend hours (HOURS!) of my day either messing with it or sending it to the 11ty million people in my friends list. Most of whom do not give a flying rat's ass how many people I'd like to punch in the face (Rachael Ray, Bob Costas, Paula Abdul, Michael Moore, and slow drivers), or the top five things I think I'll need if zombies attack (my gun, a flame thrower, a water purification system, a pink Hummer, and an unlimited supply of protein bars), or even that I sent them a piece of fucking flair (My current favorite, "I'm why the rum is gone" LULZ) but do you think I care? HA! I do not. You're still getting those damn app invites whether you like it or not. Also, don't forget to either like or comment on my recent status update kthxbai.

In other news, I *heart* Texas weather. It was in the 90's here yesterday. THE 90'S! IN APRIL! GOD BLESS GLOBAL WARMING. It won't be long now and my ass will be poolside, throwin' back the Miller Lite like it's going out of fucking style.

8! DAYS! TIL! SWMH CLUB! CINCO DE DRINKO! AUGHT NUEVE! RE-COG-NIZE.



That up there? That is gonna be on the front of our new sweet ass SWMH Club t-shirts. And THAT was drawn by Elle with her bad ass paint skillz. Again: re-cog-nize. Oh and it's not the picture playing tricks on your eyes, my boobs really are that small, especially compared to the other two cause that's how it is in REAL LIFE. I am NOT even kidding. Them womens have got some tig ole bitties but I'd be proud of that shit if I were them and show them off at 3 in the morning in the middle of a goddamned Circle K while virgin clerk boy looks on (surprisingly un-amazed) and Princess yells about kitten burritos.

8 days til I get to see those two fabulous women and when I do I'm going to hug them and squeeze them so hard that they're going to be all like, "Mo, dear, I love you but let me go for fucks sake. I can't breathe." And then we'll LOL and drink beer and eat meat pizza and lay on the bed and talk about what dirty whores we are.

Another Reason To Heart Teh Intarwebz

Remember this photo from a recent trip to a gun show here in Dallas?




Yea, it made it on to The "Blog" of "Unnecessary" Quotation Marks!

I think my e-fame status just got bumped up a notch or two. lulz

Bloggin' Bewbies *UPDATED With A Winner!*

These aren't mine. If they were y'all would've seen them A LONG time ago cause I'd be proud of these puppies.



Bonus points to you if you can figure out who these belong to.


Update: LOL, y'all. Not one of you has guessed it BUT! the owner of those lovely ta-tas has left a comment. Thanks for playing along.

Update 2:
"Flea said...

ok i'm going to say scotsdalewhore is the owner of those mountains!"


DING DING DING! We have a winner, folks!!!

Congratulations to Scottsdale Whore for having such a fantastic rack. I hate you and love you all at the same time.