Tuesday, December 30, 2008

My Year In Pictures - 2008 Edition

January -

Everything changed for me. My life, my body, my way of thinking - all different in one month. Life, at the time, seemed like it was out to get me, that I would never recover. Thankfully there were those people who were there for me when I needed them the most.

February -

With the house up for sale and me not going to school I spent a good amount of time away from home. Going out with friends, celebrating birthdays, and living life the way I wanted.

March -

Feeling like a 21 year-old with no responsibilities rebellion set in big time. Partying in Austin, out drinking with friends, and getting my first tattoo. Having fun for the first time in a very very long time. And sometimes a little too much fun.

April -

I flew out to Arizona to meet my girls Princess and Elle and had one of the greatest weekends of my life. Drinking, talking, drinking, laughing, drinking, and karaoke. Workboot, bojangle, lepracorn. To my Superwomen, thank you thank you thank you and I love you both. You rock my face off.

May -

With the house finally sold it was time for me to move out and on my own. I sold most of what I had in the house and moved the rest, along with Delighla, into my very first apartment.

June -

Dessert.  Sweet baby Jesus this was amazing.

Dallas, spaced out

Living on my own, enjoying the apartment pool, hitting some clubs with friends, and loving summertime. My good friend Lise came all the way from New York just to visit me. I so needed that and I cannot thank her enough for what she has done for me.

July -

Another trip to Arizona for SWMH Club -Part The Thrice! Hanging with my girls was good for the soul. Then there was dating and concerts and the beginning of something very special and very unexpected.

August -


The cuteness

Mariachi band!

Enjoying the last few weeks of summer, falling in love, and making new friends. A river trip that created awesome memories and nights out that I will never forget.

September -

Typical male

Lookit how cute we are

Kimberly and I

I acquired a couple of new roommates and have never been happier. Going to parties, Oktoberfests with friends, every weekend was jam-packed with fun.

October -


The "Windex" was quite yummy

With summer officially over, and after waiting over a year and a half, I finally went back home to Missouri for a visit. Thomas met my family and they instantly fell in love with him. I can't blame them really, I did the same. At the end of the month was a Halloween party and a costume prop that was wildly popular.

November -

Divorce flowers

November felt like it flew by in a matter of hours instead of weeks. On the go constantly it was a blur of parties, nights out, and then Thanksgiving. I spent Thanksgiving with Thomas and his family and was welcomed with open arms. For the first time in a very long time I was accepted by my significant other's family, without question.

December -

Yea baby!



Awwww....we are so cute

What a fantastic way to end such an incredible year. With parties to attend and Christmas fast approaching December was gone in a flash. Shopping for gifts for friends and family, a trip to Missouri, and playing with all of our new toys from Christmas. A Christmas that I'll never forget. Now it's on to New Years...there will be mucho celebration.

I'm sure I sound like a broken record at this point but I don't care. I'm still in total shock over how much has changed this year. Everything is different and I couldn't be happier. My grandmother told me in January that within six months my life would be different, better. So much better that I wouldn't even look back. I didn't believe her at the time but I know now. I don't even care when she tells me "I told you soooo" because it was all worth it. The pain in the beginning was made into happiness in the present and hope for the future. There is so much to look forward to in the new year. New friends to meet, old friends to see, and new memories that will be made. Absolutely anything is possible for 2009 and I cannot wait to see what it has in store for me.

I wish everyone a very safe and a very Happy New Year.

Monday, December 29, 2008


I am not even kidding about that either. It's hard to know where to begin really. There was a ton of gifts (some better than others *cough*DIAMOND EARRINGS*cough*) and there was a ton of food (enough to feed a damn army) and there was crying over special gifts given and then the laughing so hard that you cry over gag gifts and just a fantastic time in general.

So many times before I have been disappointed on Christmas, not necessarily because of what I received (although that didn't always help) but because of the people I was surrounded by. I hadn't spent a Christmas at home in so very very long and being with my family and with Thomas just made me so very happy. I am so grateful for everything my family did for me and I'm even more grateful for what Thomas gave to me. But it wasn't just about the gifts (don't get me wrong the gifts were freaking awesome) it was about the entire experience. All of us being together, having a good time, and happy. It was more than worth the time and money I put into the gifts and was definitely worth the drive up to Missouri. This was a Christmas I will never ever forget as long as I live.

Christmas 2008 - in pictures

Monday, December 22, 2008

ZOMFGWTFBBQ!!! It's Almost Christmas!!

Once again I am in shock that another holiday is upon us. Not just upon us but right on our asses and breathing down our necks. All of the Christmas presents have been wrapped and I've got a list in my head of what needs to be packed for our trip to Missouri. A dog-sitter has been found for Miss Delighla and there's very little that needs to be done now except to get the car packed up and to get our butts to Kansas City.

To those who celebrate it, have a very Merry Christmas. I hope Santa brings everyone what they really wanted. To those who don't, have a Happy Christmakwanzakkuah and stuff anyways.

Friday, December 19, 2008


I came home to a HUGE box from my homegirls Princess and Elle. There is NOTHING better than coming home to presents!! So I open up the box and dig through all of the packing material (it was a shit ton. Trust a bitch.) and see an awesome note from Princess saying how much she lurves me. AWWWWWWWW! Here's my loot!


It's a SWMH Club Fo SHO t-shirt (she had it made for me even though I couldn't make it back in October) and an awesome frame with a pictar of Princess and I looking super HAWT and a gorgeous wind chime from Elle!!


Princess and Elle,

Thank you SOOOOOO much!!! You are the two bestest friends a girl could ever have! I am so very very thankful to have met you and to have you both in my life. You are truly two of the most wonderful women I have ever met and are an inspiration to me. Your hearts are as big as your alcohol tolerance and the love you show is overwhelming. I could never ever repay you two for what you've given to me this year but I will do my best to try. Thank you again for my gifts. You rock my face off. For serious.


Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Santa Doesn't Give You Your Dignity Back For Christmas

I spent the first half of this past Monday evening like I usually do. Come home, have dinner, watch TV with Thomas, and just chill after another tedious Monday at the office. I enjoy what we do in the evenings, which is usually a whole lotta nothin'. Our weekends tend to be jam-packed and during the week it's nice to just sit and veg together.

Imagine my surprise when I got a text message from the ex. A (self -admitted) drunk text at 8:30 in the evening could only mean one thing: booty call. At first I laughed and decided to ignore it but curiosity got the better of both Thomas and I and we decided to have a little fun with it. A nasty text message back to him prompted more from him in return. Text messages that were inappropriate and downright dumb. The text messages turned into a phone call and then another phone call, all of which was heard by Thomas. T and I got some good laughs out of the whole ordeal, especially when Mike started to wax not-so-poetically about his undying love for me and what a mistake he had made in leaving me in the first place. Oh what a tangled web we weave when we practice to deceive...

Eventually I tired of his bullshit and after hearing him hit his car on a couple of curbs I reminded him that driving on ice, while intoxicated, wasn't a very good idea and hung up the phone. When it was all said and done I felt nothing but disgust and pity for the man. He was testing me, he was trying my patience, and I gave him nothing in return. Oh, don't get me wrong, I took the opportunity to hurl a few insults towards him and the woman he left me for. I have to admit that it felt good, satisfying even, to say what I've been wanting to say for almost a year now. How he didn't make me happy, how I am a different person now...it all fell on deaf ears though. All he knew was at that moment I was unavailable to him. He couldn't have me and he never will again. That right there is what eats at him the most. He has had to settle for a new life that he wanted in the beginning but now it's not looking so great.

The grass really isn't greener on the other side, right? In his case this would be correct, in mine it isn't. I informed Mike that Thomas and I were living together, that we were even considering marriage. This didn't phase him much. I answered his question honestly when he asked me if I'm happier now than I was when I was with him. I am happier. I am more me than I have ever been. He should try doing the same with his girlfriend as well. His girlfriend who would do anything for him yet he bashed her just the same as I did.

I received a short email from Mike this morning apologizing for his behavior. I didn't respond. When I told him that night that all I want from him is the divorce, I meant it and I have nothing more to say to him. I have moved on with my life and I have so much to look forward to in the future. The future I am planning for myself and the future Thomas and I are planning together. I am looking forward to finally putting that marriage fully behind me and that means never hearing from that sad sad little man ever again. My divorce flowers from my girls have bloomed and are a wonderful reminder that very very soon this will all be over with.

Divorce flowers - Take 2

Friday, December 12, 2008

Another Reason To Heart Teh Intarwebz

Remember this photo from a recent trip to a gun show here in Dallas?

Inappropriate use of quotation marks

Yea, it made it on to The "Blog" of "Unnecessary" Quotation Marks!

I think my e-fame status just got bumped up a notch or two. lulz

Thursday, December 11, 2008

How About A Post Where I Don't Bitch And Moan?

Alright so I've been a little cranky this week. With work being dead, Christmas very very close, cold weather, not getting my way when it came to the divorce date, and being sick I've been a little on edge. I do my best not to let that crankiness spill over at home and at work but I know that I've slipped up here and there.

In all honesty I am looking forward to going to Missouri for Christmas. The thought of Thomas and I spending our first Christmas together, hanging out with my family who adores him, and hopefully waking up to snow on Christmas morning almost makes me giddy. I can't wait to see him open his gifts and I can't wait to see what he's gotten for me. Sometimes it's hard for me to think of Christmas without being miserable. I've spent the last several Christmas' at home, bored, and going out of my mind because I was surrounded by people that could care less about me. That won't be the case this year or the next or the next and I need to realize that. Old habits die hard but I'm working on it.

So in order to get myself into full-on Christmas mode I've been watching youtube vids today (yea I know, I work real hard around here) and these are just a few that I've found.

Have a favorite Christmas youtube vid?? Post it up!!

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Christmas Spirit? Yea, I Got Your Christmas Spirit Right Here.

I promised my Grandmother I would be "home" for Christmas this year. Since I would be single and without in-laws this year (Thank the Lord in Heaven for that too) I told her I would be there with jingle-jingle-bells on. If it was possible for me to beat myself up for something telling them I would be there would be a good reason for a self ass whooping. Not to mention a string of other bad ideas I've had in the past 27 years.

For the past few years I had a perfectly good agreement with my family. You don't get me anything and I won't get you anything. See how that works? IT'S WIN/WIN FOR EVERYONE! That sooooo wasn't going to happen this year and for the past few weeks I've been wracking my brain thinking up gifts for these people. These people who already have everything they could possibly want. These people who make it their goal in life to be difficult to buy for. These people who when asked what they would like for Christmas they respond with, "Oh honey, you don't have to get us anything!". Yea effing right, Grandma. Just pony up the scoop on what you want and I'll buy it! Do I get that though? Hell to the nizzo. So because she refuses to give me any good ideas for herself she'll just have to be happy with the fact that I showed up on Christmas and that I care about her cat's digestive system.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008


There are several downsides to working with people who have small children at home. Other than the standard blah blah bullcrap that you have to hear about on a daily basis ("Oh my goodness, little Johnny said just the most ADORABLE thing last night at dinner." Eyeroll eyeroll eyeroll eyeroll) there is the chance that at some point you will be infected with some sort of disease thanks to them.

You have to admit, kids are pretty gross. They don't cover their mouths when they cough or sneeze, they pick their noses, and they shit on themselves for the first 2 to 3 years of their life. They are small cheeky bundles of walking germ infestation. I'm saying all of this because I am sick. Sick sick sick. And I'm putting the blame solely on the people I work with and their spawn because it's my blog and I'll do whatever I want.

Moving right along...

The Christmas parties on Friday and Saturday were both a success. Thomas and I looked lovely on Friday night and spent the evening rubbing elbows with his co-workers and also making fun of the drunk people/uncoordinated people on the dance floor. There was a decent mixture of both. I would like to tell you that I have pictures of the evening but I do not. I do, however, have a picture of myself with Santa (dude had a real beard and all. I even tugged on it.) but I seemed to have brought my extra chin with me that night so that's a big n-o.

I did manage to stay sober at the party (at $6.75 for a Bacardi and Coke I couldn't even afford to get a decent buzz going) and we got home at a decent hour. The next morning was my office party that's held at my boss' ranch each year. A ranch that is almost an hour drive from the apartment. Such a far distance away that I even questioned the decision to go outloud in the car on the way for just lunch and a $100 cash bonus. "Lunch better be good", I told Thomas.

We managed to make it out to the ranch on time and being the only two people there without children both Thomas and I stood and watched as the kids were let loose to run and scream and cry all they wanted. I call it Visual Birth Control and it's quite effective. After lunch some of us made our way out to the fields to do a little shooting (what? you don't bring your guns to your company Christmas party?) and beer drinking. The party was great and it was by far the best I've ever been to since working at my office. The Bailey's in my coffee, the extra $100 cash bonus, and the man by my side made it even better.

Oh and of course there were photos!

Mo's Office Christmas Party -08'! Guns, kids, cows, and liquor - a photo set!

Friday, December 5, 2008

A Little Bit Of This And A Little Bit Of That

Today is December 5th and I am not yet divorced. Yup, you read that right. I was supposed to be officially divorced by December 1st. Obviously, that didn't happen.

Earlier this week I received a phone call from my soon-to-be-ex-husband informing me that, due to scheduling conflicts and work issues, he would be unable to make the 20 minute drive to the courthouse in order for a judge to finally release me from my marital bond to an absolute moron. I asked him how long was I going to have to wait. He told me not until the beginning of the new year.

Yea...that didn't go over well.

One of my mottos has always been, "If you want something done right you better do it yourself". I should've stuck with that way of thinking. See, I figured that because he was the one who initiated the separation that he would be the one who would be itching to get this divorced final. That come hell or high water he would want to be rid of me for good. Apparently, I was wrong. I nagged him til I was blue in the face about starting the proceedings. I stayed on him about getting the paperwork turned in at the appropriate times and I was the one who informed him that he needed to stand before a judge in order to finalize the divorce. I want to be D-O-N-E done done fucking done with this marriage, like right now.

Insert stomping of feet, temper tantrum thrown, and bottom lip sticking out.

To my soon-to-be-ex-husband,

A not so happy birthday to you, asshat. May your hair continue to fall out and you never lose that gut you inherited from your father. May you spawn a dozen children who are all as condescending and lazy as you, and as hideous as the creature that you mated with.

All the best,
Your soon-to-be-(thank God Almighty) ex-wife

P.S. I faked. A lot.

Ahem and moving on...

Tonight is Thomas' company Christmas party. Food, cash bar, and the two of us looking dayum good should make for a mighty fine time. Pictures will be taken, of course. I would normally ask that you pray that I don't get tore up and make an ass of myself but with a cash bar that is soooo not going to happen.


Last, but certainly not least, while watching TV last night Tank The Awesome Chihuahua jumped on Thomas' lap and as he was climbing over him to get to me he farted directly in Thomas' face. Seriously. Tank was all *jump, hop, POOT, jump* and the look on Thomas' face was absolutely priceless. I laughed so hard that I almost pissed myself.

I'm blogging about this for three reasons:

1. It's funny to think about a 4lb Chihuahua blowing ass.
2. Thomas should get used to me using him for humorous blogging material.
3. I like to think Tank did it out of pure revenge for all of the times the poor innocent creature has been sound asleep laying between both of us and has awoken to a wall of stink thanks to Thomas' assplosions. REVENGE WILL BE HIS DAMMIT!

Monday, December 1, 2008

Good Luck, Ace

I've been to Vegas once and I've been to a few different casinos here and there but for some reason I was always imitated by the blackjack tables. It could've been that I was young and inexperienced, or it could've been because of the people I was with. I just couldn't bring myself to slap my money down on a blackjack table and take the risk. Instead I opted to sit in front of a slot machine for hours at a time and whittle away my money one nickle at a time. I was constantly missing out on playing my favorite game because of fear.

Saturday evening Thomas and I took off with his aunt and father to Oklahoma. Armed with $120 each I was well aware that it was completely possible that I would walk out of the casino $120 lighter. It's all for entertainment, right? I'll just go ahead and cut to the chase - I lost $100 of my money and I didn't get a single secret squirrel shot of the casino, but you know what I did do? I did have one of the best times of my life, sitting at a blackjack table deciding whether to hit or to stay. Sure I made some bad calls but that's why it's called gambling.

I left the casino exhausted, reeking of smoke, and extremely over-stimulated but I was happy. I was happy that I finally got to play blackjack, I was happy to be in the company of some great people, and I was happy to have a new memory. In my humble opinion, it was well worth the $100.

Friday, November 28, 2008

Thanksgiving Round-Up

By the time I left work on Wednesday I was in the shittiest of shitty moods. I was cold, I was upset because our office was D-E-A-D dead yet we all just sat around here praying the the deity of our choice that the boss would let us leave (and he did, but only 30 minutes early), I was tired but I still had pies to make for the next day, and I just wanted to go home. When I finally made my way home I got to the door and saw a green box propped up against the door. I recognized the box instantly and knew what was inside. What I didn't know was who it was from.

I walked in the door and was immediately greeted with a smiling face and happy puppies that were glad to see me finally get home. I could not wait to see what was in this box though. Thomas looked at the box and at me and I told him that I had gotten flowers but had no idea who they were from.

I ripped open the box and saw the card. The card congratulating me on my divorce and getting rid of "180lbs of DEAD WEIGHT". I LOL'd and I even teared up because two women that I love so dearly remembered that my waiting period for the divorce is up and everything will be final next week. These women who have hugged me and made me laugh and have been an inspiration to me, they remembered and I was once again reminded how lucky I am to have people like them in my life. My Superwomen - God, how I love you guys.

Divorce flowers
Look! Divorce flowers! Squeeeeeeeeeee! They haven't bloomed yet but you bet your ass I'm gonna post them when they do.

The flowers would've been enough to make me happy for the rest of the evening but Thomas had thought of me during the day and picked me up a bottle of my favorite adult beverage:

YAY BEER! And even more yay for expensive and yummy surprise beer! Oh yes, I did drink the entire thing that night. BY MY SELF.

Obviously the rest of my evening was just peachy keen. You cannot receive congratulatory divorce flowers and a big ol' bottle of beer and still be in a pissy mood.


I wasn't really nervous about meeting Thomas' family. I am who I am, although I wanted them to like me, but if they didn't like me then there wouldn't be a damn thing I could do about it. All I could be is myself. I spent many many years being related to people by marriage who didn't really care for me all that much. Even though I would pretend to be someone else in their presence it was never good enough. I trudged through many holidays with a fake smile plastered to my face but on the inside I was dying to get out of their house so I could be me again. I wasn't going to go through that again. Like me for me or don't, it's up to you.

Within 10 minutes of being around Thomas' family I felt comfortable. I was included in conversations, I was asked questions, and I treated with respect and kindness. I was myself and they liked me.

Time seemed to fly while I was there. We had dinner and played games and laughed our asses off. Then I realized why I was so very comfortable around them all. Not only are they good people, salt-of-the-earth with zero snob-factor, but they all reminded me of my own family. They were loud, they were funny, they were crazy, and they were no-holds-barred. Being around them was like being home again and I was totally at ease. We left for home late in the evening and I was actually disappointed that we had to leave because I had to work the next day. I can only imagine what other fun we could've had just sitting around and throwing back a couple more beers. Luckily there seems to be a small trip planned for this coming up weekend with the family. A road trip across the border to gamble can only result in more stories to tell.

After getting in bed last night Thomas and I both agreed that, all cheesiness aside, we have so much to be thankful for this year.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Thanksgiving?! For Serious?!?

I am in complete awe that tomorrow is Thanksgiving. This year, and especially this month, has flown by for me. Soon it'll be Christmas and then the start of a brand new year. I'm looking forward to seeing what 2009 has in store for me.

Tomorrow is the first Thanksgiving in years that I won't be standing over a stove or fooling around trying to get a gigantic turkey buttered up and ready for the oven. I've been invited to spend Thanksgiving with Thomas' family and I'm looking forward to it more than I am nervous about it. Fingers crossed that they won't all hate me! I'd like to at least have one set of in-laws in my lifetime that like me.

I'd like to jump on the "this is what I'm thankful for" bandwagon but I'm not going to do it. I've said time and time again what I'm thankful for, so I'd like to hear from everyone else. Other than the obvious (read: yummy freaking Turkey) what are you thankful for this year?

P.S. To my favorite Canadian readers, y'all already had your Thanksgiving so have a happy Thursday. I'll be thinking of you while I am stuffing my face.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Awww Puppehs Awww

I don't know why I find it so funny when the dogs lick the ice in the glass but dammit it makes me LOL every time.

Happy Friday, y'all!

Monday, November 17, 2008

Bloggin' Bewbies *UPDATED With A Winner!*

These aren't mine. If they were y'all would've seen them A LONG time ago cause I'd be proud of these puppies.


Bonus points to you if you can figure out who these belong to.

Update: LOL, y'all. Not one of you has guessed it BUT! the owner of those lovely ta-tas has left a comment. Thanks for playing along.

Update 2:
"Flea said...

ok i'm going to say scotsdalewhore is the owner of those mountains!"

DING DING DING! We have a winner, folks!!!

Congratulations to Scottsdale Whore for having such a fantastic rack. I hate you and love you all at the same time.

Friday, November 14, 2008

All Is Quiet, All Is Well

They always say that no news is good news, right? That's pretty much where I'm at right now. No major drama, no break-downs, no flat tires...just life. And that life? It is so very very good right now.

Pending any unforeseen issues the divorce is set to be final on December 1st. Amazing how easy that whole ordeal went really. It could've been nasty and mean but it wasn't. It's been smooth sailing and for that I am most grateful.

I do love this time of year though. The leaves changing and the weather turning colder. Planning Christmas parties and holiday events with friends and families makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Please feel free to remind me how warm and fuzzy it makes me when I'm bitching about seeing my family on Christmas.

Friday, November 7, 2008

I'm Bored

Maybe you are as well? Here, have some youtubes...

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Feel Free To Gag

I was chatting with a friend of Thomas' yesterday via IM and we were discussing how neither of us would go back in time, if given the chance, and alter the choices we had made.  Little decisions we make on a daily basis can severely alter our futures and if we're happy with the place that we now find ourselves in going back to change anything could mean different results. 

I have never and will never regret any decision I have made in my past.  All of those choices, whether good or bad, have made me who I am now.  They've brought me to this place and I'm grateful for everything.  

She also reminded me of a song and how it describes that even with the all of the hurt that we've felt in the past it all has led to where we are now.  

"I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like Northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true

Now I'm just rolling home
Into my lover's arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you"

Yes, it's sickingly sweet and may not be true, but I'd like to have faith that someone somewhere has a plan for me.  Faith is difficult to hold on to when you feel you've been kicked while you're already down.  That the universe has it out for you and that you'll never feel as if you're whole again.  But I truly believe that if you keep the faith and you believe you deserve it happiness will find you.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

He Can Do Anything


He can cook AND he can fix my car. I am seriously swooning here.

Although, genius here should've disconnected the battery first cause I saw some sparks flying and heard a series of unintelligible curse words come from under the hood. I am sitting here hoping that a small sensor change will not result in an ER trip tonight.

At least the view is good...

Friday, October 31, 2008

Waiving My Crazy Flag

Chalk it up to hormones, PMS, or just plain ol' craziness but I lost it last night. I was confronted with my own feelings, my own paranoia, and there was zero proof to back it up. I reacted to a gut feeling, one that hasn't really steered me wrong in the past, and little things that I have let bottle up inside of me. I stood in the middle of the living room and broke down.

I've got to give Thomas credit for his reaction. He's never seen me like that before. It came out of no where and it wasn't really something that you can prepare someone for. He sat with me, held me while I cried for absolutely no reason, and let me get it all out.

It had been ages since that kind of emotion had taken over me like that. I thought I was past that. I thought I had beat the bad feeling of depression and paranoia. There are times when I can't believe how lucky I am to have made it out of my marriage with as little scarring as possible but then there are days, like yesterday, where the fear of being hurt again comes to the surface and I can't hold it back anymore.

I'm annoyed when I hear people blame their current mistakes and constant bad decisions on something that has happened to them in the past. Their parents divorced, they were weren't hugged enough as a child, their sibling/cousin/neighbor bullied them, etc etc the list goes on and on. The hard ass me thinks that they should suck it up, stop living in the past, but the scarred me knows that some past events can rock you to your core. My past is my past and there isn't a damn thing I can do about it but I do what I can to not let those who have hurt me affect me now. It's unfortunate that there are times when I can't control it.

Going through what I went through was traumatic. No matter how much I push it away or blow it off or even laugh it off it is what it is. It hurt and it permanently changed me. It changed how I feel, it changed how I react, and it changed how I deal with emotion. I am not the same person I was before it all went down.

I have absolutely no reason to doubt my relationship with Thomas. He's been wonderful. Almost as if he were a gift that was given to me as an apology from the universe for all of the bullshit I've been put through. I couldn't be happier. However, I am only human. I have insecurities, I have issues, and I have thin skin. I was raw and I was vulnerable and I needed to let it all out.

I apologized to Thomas for having to deal with what someone in my past has done to me but that goes for anyone. We are all affected by what other people do, whether we like it or not. In the end it's all how we handle ourselves and how we move past what has been done to us, to not dwell in the bad and see only the good. I am working on that, I am making progress. I've said before that it's impossible for me to guard my heart, to put up walls. I swing for the fences and I have no regrets. Life is good, love is wonderful, and some times it's okay just to cry.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

One Month Down...One Month To Go

Last night I was reminded by the beautiful and funny Elle that I am a very short 30 days away from going from a Mrs. to a Ms. In her words I will be, "Free at last, FREE at LAST!"

I have said time and time again how much I cherish my friends who have been there for me over these last 9+ months. They've been there through the lowest of lows and the highest of highs. I will never ever be able to thank them or pay them back for the shoulders I've cried on, the laughter they've provided me, and advice that's been given.

To my wonderful friends, I lovelovelovelovelove you all. Thank you, all of you, for everything you've done. Because of you I came out of this a better and much happier person. Because of you I found the real me.

And to Thomas, I am so grateful that you've come into my life. I've never been happier and I have you to thank for that. Thank you for loving me as I am. Thank you for being you. Thank you for being on my side and being the wonderful man that you are. You amaze me on a daily basis.

30 days people. 30 days.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Taking Halloween Seriously

Thomas and I had been planning our Halloween costumes for months. We'd decided long ago what we would go as, what accessories we would need to procure, and even how one of us should act in order to really and truly play our parts well. We totally pulled that shit off on Saturday night.

I dyed my hair, painted my fingernails, sported an assortment of fake tattoos, and an apron in order to look like a beer bar waitress. Thomas, the bus boy, wore hairnets, a fake gold tooth, fake jewelry, a few fake tattoos of his own and carried around a towel and spray bottle (full of a very tasty concoction of blue Poweraid and vodka made to look like Windex). Oh and let us not forget the fake mustache. That really pulled the costume together.

Let me stop boring you with words and present to you the photos from that night. Needless to say, our costumes were outstanding and we had a friggin blast.

D-Ville Halloween Extravaganza 2008!

Click the thumbnail of the picture in order to view full size and description of what in the hell was going on.

P.S. I forgot to pick up fingernail polish remover yesterday and my hair is still pretty bright red. My boss said I looked "interesting" this morning. I responded by saying, "I'm sorry I look like a whore/goth/emo kid today but Halloween is just that important. You gotta do what you gotta do, man".

P.P.S. In real life Thomas is taller than I am. In one pic I look like I'm towering over him. Damn those six inch mary jane platform shoes that were just too damn cute to pass on.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Not A Good Way To Start The Day


I may be a girl but dammit I can change a tire. VOILA!

I am good

Friday, October 17, 2008

The Recap

Alright, so the trip to Missouri...

I was excited to see my family again. I really was. After almost a year and a half it was time to get back there before they disowned my ass. Of course at the same time I was dreading it. I feel so very distant from them most of the time. We all have very little in common and I'm just not like them anymore. I can't quite put my finger on it. I won't even try to psychoanalyze them as it's not only an insult to them but frankly, it boggles the mind how crazy one family can truly be. In the end though, they mean well.

There was little awkwardness when Thomas first met them. They accepted him almost immediately. He had one major plus going for him - he wasn't Mike. He could never be Mike. He will never be Mike. That automatically made them love him.

Then, my mother came over. Dun dun DUNNNNNNNN

Mom and Casey the bird

That's her up there with her bird that she takes everywhere on her shoulder like she was a damn pirate or something.

My mother is first and foremost L-O-U-D. She is unapologetic, crude, and in some cases would rather you hate her than for her to be any different around you just so it won't offend your delicate sensibilities. You either love her, hate her, or want to throw her off a tall building just to get her to shut the fuck up for 5 minutes. And that woman has the hots for my boyfriend...let us just leave that one alone for now, shall we?

We all sat around and told jokes that made us laugh so hard that our stomachs hurt. We ate like Kings, thanks to my grandmother's cooking, and I took Thomas to the town I grew up in. I took him to one of my favorite restaurants and we ate chips and queso and drank huge beers and made fun of my sister and her friend who sat across from us.


I wasn't overly sure what I wanted to accomplish with this trip. Seeing my family and introducing them to Thomas was first and foremost of course but maybe it was to show them that after all that has happened this year that I am fine. I am more than fine. I am happy. For the first time in such a very very long time I am happy. With myself, with my life, with my relationship...I am happy. I know they were worried about me and wondered who exactly this new person in my life was but they see now and they understand. It will take some time for them to love him as much as I do, but it's coming and it feels good to know that they genuinely like him. I can say, without any doubt, that the trip was a success.

I started this post last Friday and I'm just now finishing it up. Being home sick from work has it's advantages ya know. Excuse me now for I have three puppies who are all curled up asleep on my bed and would love to have their mama join them for a nap.

Monday, October 13, 2008


Due to exhaustion I will have to do the "New Boyfriend Meets The Family - Holy Shit Someone Hold Me" edition of Weekend Round-Up later. Because Thomas and I don't really like holding onto our money very much we made a little stop last night on the way home...

We told ourselves on the way that we'd only stay for 30 minutes and not hit the ATM once, because $5.00 ATM fees are a bunch of bullshit. And we still had to get home, unpack, walk the dogs, and get to bed in order to be up for work in the morning...

Hour and a half and a $5.00 ATM fee later we left.

Let us never speak of how much I suck at Let It Ride and how much money we lost combined.

More when I can keep my eyes open and when I have fully processed what actually occurred this weekend.

Monday, October 6, 2008


Messing with dogs is fun...

I apologize for the crappy picture. It was a tad dark in the room.

Goin' To Kansas City, Kansas City Here I Come

I haven't been back "home" since May of last year. That last trip was a doozy and one that I hope will never ever repeat itself. It was a beating both physically and emotionally. Realizing, once again, how screwed up my family was (is) took it's toll on me. I told myself that I wouldn't return again until things were settled, normal. Or as normal as possible for my kin.

It's time to go again. I've put it off long enough. This trip has a different purpose though. A better one. A brighter one. I'm not going home to fix the mistakes of others or to clean up a mess. I am going home to celebrate.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

For The Last Time

We met at Starbucks. Both ordered our usuals and sat down to have a smoke before going our separate ways. I handed him the final paperwork, the last thing I needed to sign and notarize. He thanked me again for going about it this way, instead of involving a lawyer.

We chatted about our jobs and what's been going on in our lives. He asked about Delighla and my friends. I asked about his parents and his brother. It was small talk. The last of the small talk. We both knew that we would probably never see each other like this again.

When it was time to go we shook hands like old business partners. He told me to take care of myself and I told him the same. We turned around and left in opposite directions.

I walked to the car with the sun beating down, a cup of Starbucks in my hand, and a smile on my face. Freedom from my past is getting close now, so very close.

November 28th is the day.

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Guns And Beer

You may be thinking to yourself that guns and beer is just a bad mixture. It usually leads to someone getting a toe shot off and is bound to end up like a good episode of 'Cops', but that didn't happen to me. Only because I'm not completely white trash and because the guns and the beer were done on separate days.

Ah, Oktoberfest. And you're only seeing a small part of it! Thank God for the Germans.

German hat, German beer.
I think this picture speaks for itself.

The mid-way. I heart carnies!

Eatin a turkey leg
Inside the huge ass food tent. Live polka music, a turkey leg, a beer, and air conditioning. I was a happy girl.

First beer of the day
See that beer right there? I had four of those that day. Ouchie.

It's Peanut Butter Jelly Time!
While walking through the mid-way (pretty well toasted at this point) I eyed this banana and immediately said, "PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME!"* Thomas vowed to return to the booth and win his woman that damned banana. As you can see, he succeeded. My hero.

Because Thomas and I are such fans of overpaying for beer and food and being in the hot Texas sun for hours at a time we thought it would be a great idea to attend another Oktoberfest. Unfortunately this one was much smaller and the beer wasn't near as awesome in it's German-kick-ass-ness.

Smaller cups, pretty much the same price, and it wasn't Paulaner. Big strike against this particular Oktoberfest. However, you drink enough of those little ones and you really don't give a shit anymore.

Old men in short pants and suspenders. How cute.

This is what happens when I'm exposed to heat and too much beer. You put a fuzzy cat toy in front of my face and I bat at it.

This festival was held in a newly re-built downtown square of my town. Mom & Pop candy stores, boutiques, drug stores, courthouse, and awesome little restaurants. Sometimes living in an older smallish town has it's advantages.

Kimberly and I
This is one of my main bitches, Kimberly. I heart her, even when she's a whore.

Okay! Enough polka dancing and beer drinking...on with the guns!

OMG LOOK! It's me with my pink gun and matching ear muff thingies! SQUEEEEEE!

Someone isn't used to a cute girly-type gun.

Yea, that's more like it.

Srsly, I'm so ready to be a Charlie's Angel.

See? Look! My aim is pretty good too! Well, kinda.

Now that's a fine lookin' family portrait right there.

And that's a fine lookin' couple too.

For more photos follow the linkage...

Oktoberfest(s) 2008

*If you aren't aware of the awesomeness that is PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME then go ahead and smack yourself upside your head and then watch this...

I dare you to keep yourself from humming this for the rest of your day. I don't think it's possible.