Almost A Year In The Making

Who has two thumbs and was granted a divorce today?

*points at self with thumbs*

THIS GIRL!

So far 2009 is turning out to be a pretty good year.

Santa Doesn't Give You Your Dignity Back For Christmas

I spent the first half of this past Monday evening like I usually do. Come home, have dinner, watch TV with Thomas, and just chill after another tedious Monday at the office. I enjoy what we do in the evenings, which is usually a whole lotta nothin'. Our weekends tend to be jam-packed and during the week it's nice to just sit and veg together.

Imagine my surprise when I got a text message from the ex. A (self -admitted) drunk text at 8:30 in the evening could only mean one thing: booty call. At first I laughed and decided to ignore it but curiosity got the better of both Thomas and I and we decided to have a little fun with it. A nasty text message back to him prompted more from him in return. Text messages that were inappropriate and downright dumb. The text messages turned into a phone call and then another phone call, all of which was heard by Thomas. T and I got some good laughs out of the whole ordeal, especially when Mike started to wax not-so-poetically about his undying love for me and what a mistake he had made in leaving me in the first place. Oh what a tangled web we weave when we practice to deceive...

Eventually I tired of his bullshit and after hearing him hit his car on a couple of curbs I reminded him that driving on ice, while intoxicated, wasn't a very good idea and hung up the phone. When it was all said and done I felt nothing but disgust and pity for the man. He was testing me, he was trying my patience, and I gave him nothing in return. Oh, don't get me wrong, I took the opportunity to hurl a few insults towards him and the woman he left me for. I have to admit that it felt good, satisfying even, to say what I've been wanting to say for almost a year now. How he didn't make me happy, how I am a different person now...it all fell on deaf ears though. All he knew was at that moment I was unavailable to him. He couldn't have me and he never will again. That right there is what eats at him the most. He has had to settle for a new life that he wanted in the beginning but now it's not looking so great.

The grass really isn't greener on the other side, right? In his case this would be correct, in mine it isn't. I informed Mike that Thomas and I were living together, that we were even considering marriage. This didn't phase him much. I answered his question honestly when he asked me if I'm happier now than I was when I was with him. I am happier. I am more me than I have ever been. He should try doing the same with his girlfriend as well. His girlfriend who would do anything for him yet he bashed her just the same as I did.

I received a short email from Mike this morning apologizing for his behavior. I didn't respond. When I told him that night that all I want from him is the divorce, I meant it and I have nothing more to say to him. I have moved on with my life and I have so much to look forward to in the future. The future I am planning for myself and the future Thomas and I are planning together. I am looking forward to finally putting that marriage fully behind me and that means never hearing from that sad sad little man ever again. My divorce flowers from my girls have bloomed and are a wonderful reminder that very very soon this will all be over with.

A Little Bit Of This And A Little Bit Of That

Today is December 5th and I am not yet divorced. Yup, you read that right. I was supposed to be officially divorced by December 1st. Obviously, that didn't happen.

Earlier this week I received a phone call from my soon-to-be-ex-husband informing me that, due to scheduling conflicts and work issues, he would be unable to make the 20 minute drive to the courthouse in order for a judge to finally release me from my marital bond to an absolute moron. I asked him how long was I going to have to wait. He told me not until the beginning of the new year.

Yea...that didn't go over well.

One of my mottos has always been, "If you want something done right you better do it yourself". I should've stuck with that way of thinking. See, I figured that because he was the one who initiated the separation that he would be the one who would be itching to get this divorced final. That come hell or high water he would want to be rid of me for good. Apparently, I was wrong. I nagged him til I was blue in the face about starting the proceedings. I stayed on him about getting the paperwork turned in at the appropriate times and I was the one who informed him that he needed to stand before a judge in order to finalize the divorce. I want to be D-O-N-E done done fucking done with this marriage, like right now.

Insert stomping of feet, temper tantrum thrown, and bottom lip sticking out.


To my soon-to-be-ex-husband,

A not so happy birthday to you, asshat. May your hair continue to fall out and you never lose that gut you inherited from your father. May you spawn a dozen children who are all as condescending and lazy as you, and as hideous as the creature that you mated with.

All the best,
Your soon-to-be-(thank God Almighty) ex-wife

P.S. I faked. A lot.

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Ahem and moving on...

Tonight is Thomas' company Christmas party. Food, cash bar, and the two of us looking dayum good should make for a mighty fine time. Pictures will be taken, of course. I would normally ask that you pray that I don't get tore up and make an ass of myself but with a cash bar that is soooo not going to happen.

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Last, but certainly not least, while watching TV last night Tank The Awesome Chihuahua jumped on Thomas' lap and as he was climbing over him to get to me he farted directly in Thomas' face. Seriously. Tank was all *jump, hop, POOT, jump* and the look on Thomas' face was absolutely priceless. I laughed so hard that I almost pissed myself.

I'm blogging about this for three reasons:

1. It's funny to think about a 4lb Chihuahua blowing ass.
2. Thomas should get used to me using him for humorous blogging material.
3. I like to think Tank did it out of pure revenge for all of the times the poor innocent creature has been sound asleep laying between both of us and has awoken to a wall of stink thanks to Thomas' assplosions. REVENGE WILL BE HIS DAMMIT!

All Is Quiet, All Is Well

They always say that no news is good news, right? That's pretty much where I'm at right now. No major drama, no break-downs, no flat tires...just life. And that life? It is so very very good right now.

Pending any unforeseen issues the divorce is set to be final on December 1st. Amazing how easy that whole ordeal went really. It could've been nasty and mean but it wasn't. It's been smooth sailing and for that I am most grateful.

I do love this time of year though. The leaves changing and the weather turning colder. Planning Christmas parties and holiday events with friends and families makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Please feel free to remind me how warm and fuzzy it makes me when I'm bitching about seeing my family on Christmas.

One Month Down...One Month To Go

Last night I was reminded by the beautiful and funny Elle that I am a very short 30 days away from going from a Mrs. to a Ms. In her words I will be, "Free at last, FREE at LAST!"

I have said time and time again how much I cherish my friends who have been there for me over these last 9+ months. They've been there through the lowest of lows and the highest of highs. I will never ever be able to thank them or pay them back for the shoulders I've cried on, the laughter they've provided me, and advice that's been given.

To my wonderful friends, I lovelovelovelovelove you all. Thank you, all of you, for everything you've done. Because of you I came out of this a better and much happier person. Because of you I found the real me.

And to Thomas, I am so grateful that you've come into my life. I've never been happier and I have you to thank for that. Thank you for loving me as I am. Thank you for being you. Thank you for being on my side and being the wonderful man that you are. You amaze me on a daily basis.

30 days people. 30 days.

For The Last Time

We met at Starbucks. Both ordered our usuals and sat down to have a smoke before going our separate ways. I handed him the final paperwork, the last thing I needed to sign and notarize. He thanked me again for going about it this way, instead of involving a lawyer.

We chatted about our jobs and what's been going on in our lives. He asked about Delighla and my friends. I asked about his parents and his brother. It was small talk. The last of the small talk. We both knew that we would probably never see each other like this again.

When it was time to go we shook hands like old business partners. He told me to take care of myself and I told him the same. We turned around and left in opposite directions.

I walked to the car with the sun beating down, a cup of Starbucks in my hand, and a smile on my face. Freedom from my past is getting close now, so very close.

November 28th is the day.