My boss had been worried about me last year. Looking back I can't blame him really. It was like this whole new employee showed up in his office one day. The day before I had just been me. The hard working, grounded (read: boring), jovial me. I was predictable and I was cheerful. Then one day that employee changed. I was emotional, I was sad, and I was distracted. He figured that if everything else in my life was different then why not my job. He figured wrong. In the end I realized that the only constant in my life, the one thing that I knew would never change, would be my job. I could walk in, do what I needed to do, and knew that it would be there for me the next day. That stability meant something to me. When my entire world was chaos, my job was steady.
Stability in my personal life has taken some getting used to. After being hurt it's difficult to go back to a place that leaves you vulnerable. You open your heart, you take a risk. I took my risk and waited for the rug to be pulled out from underneath me. The optimist in me knew that I would have my happily ever after. The pessimist in me waited for the worst case scenario - heartbreak.
The worst case scenario didn't happen. Only the good has come my way and along with the good is the stability. Stability in knowing that I will come home to someone who wants me there. Stability in knowing that there won't be a fight waiting for me around the corner. Stability in feeling safe, secure, and happy. And with it comes contentment, and sometimes that contentment brings stagnation. I don't feel that though. I revel in the idea of scooting home after work, having dinner, and watching TV. Maybe it's the cold that makes me feel like being a hermit, or maybe it's just the fact that I am happy with my home life.
For so long it was GO GO GO and now it's time to kick back and enjoy the life that I have. For once, my life is stable. For once, I am not afraid.