My weight-loss goal is still going rather well. I say that even though I haven't really lost any weight in the month of July. I'm still about where I was at the end of June even with three weekends in a row of fatty eating. What can I say? I love food. It's like I work my ass off all week just for the chance to relax and not eat like a rabbit on the weekends. I'll take it for now, but something is going to have to change in the near future because at this point it's like I'm running in place, and after a while that gets really old.
Last weekend I received a private message on Face.book from a cousin. Apparently my father had been trying to get a hold of me and wasn't having much luck. All of my numbers had been disconnected and I wasn't listed in the directory. Whoops. See, he would've known that my cell had changed if he had called in the last two years because I had a home phone up until January of this year. He didn't know my number because the last time I had spoken to him was when I called him in April of '08 to let him know that I was getting divorced and moving. Yes, I should've called him back in September to let him know I was getting married, but I didn't. It didn't matter, he wouldn't have come to the wedding anyways.
I'm pretty ambivalent about my father. He's a decent man, a hard worker, and an upstanding citizen. He votes, pays his taxes, and doesn't have a criminal record. He's a good person, he's just a terrible father. I realized this years ago when it was me who was always calling him, or stopping by his house. Eventually I stopped calling as much, and then I moved to Dallas and never saw him. The last time I set eyes on the man was January 3, 2002. He was wearing a black suit and a bad tie. It was the day he buried his own father. A man that he was close to, but never emotionally. My father's family doesn't show much emotion. They don't tell each other that they love each other. They don't hug. Their idea of being there for each other is helping someone replace a starter in an old car, or getting together for a BBQ. When I was a child this baffled me, but as I got older I just got used to it. Always remembering that affection and love was shown freely with my mom's family, but a pat on the back and a smile was good enough with my dad's family. To each their own.
The last time my father contacted me himself was to tell me that my grandfather had died. The reason he was trying to contact me last week was because my great-aunt had died. A very sweet woman who I remember being old even when I was a child. I was surprised that she had made it this long. When he told me I can honestly say I felt nothing. While I'm sad that someone has passed away I felt no emotional connection to her, but instead I felt more sad for my father. A man who is rapidly aging, who has no other children, and isn't on the path to have a connection to his only child. I have convinced myself that he never really wanted to be a father. While my mother or grandmother would never tell me that, it's not that hard to figure out. My father contested the divorce with my mother three times. All over a projection television and some furniture. He never gave issue to my mother wanting sole custody of me. He paid his $210 a month in child support for 15 years and moved on with his life. While some people may have a problem with this, I don't. That was the path he chose in his life. Though a part of me is sad that we will never be close, I'm not 100% sure I would even know how to begin to have an adult father/daughter relationship with him. Too much time has passed. He doesn't really know me, and I don't really know him. I did give him my new cell number and my new address. He did tell me that he would make more of an effort to call me, but I don't hold my breath. If he calls I will talk to him. If he doesn't call then I'll expect my annual Christmas card from his sweet wife. She's the one who always signs them 'Love, Dad & Di'.
I am constantly amazed at how petty adults can be. Specifically women. Jealousy and envy can be incredibly nasty feelings. When my friends have something wonderful happen to them and they feel like they can share it with me I am SO happy for them. I think every one of my friends deserves to be happy and to have wonderful things given to them. Unfortunately, some people are constantly unsatisfied with their lives and feel the need to be spiteful.
I recently had a "friend" disappear on Face.book. I had noticed she hadn't posted anything that showed up in my news feed so I went looking for her. She was completely gone from my friends list, and wasn't showing up on mutual friend's lists either. Concerned that something had happened to her I sent her a text, with no response. The next day I noticed that she had left a comment on a mutual friend's status and was totally shocked. I realized that she de-friended me. No notice, no message, nothing from her. The next day I received a text back from her number letting me know that it was her husband's phone now but that he would pass the message along that I was concerned about her. Within minutes of the text she sent me a friend request with a short note stating that she had deleted people that she "never talked to anymore". I thought that was strange seeing as how I comment regularly on her status'. After re-friending her I went to her profile and was hit by a couple of status' that shocked me. One talking of envy, the other talking of how she wished that she could do something that I had mentioned I was doing in a status the previous week. Maybe it's conceited for me to think this, but personally I believe she is jealous of me. This just made me both incredibly sad and incredibly pissed off. Here I was, texting her telling her I was concerned about her disappearing, when in reality she had de-friended me out of jealousy! I don't post shit on Face.book to brag. I do it because I am happy and I want to share my happiness with people that I care about. Do other people have things that I don't have and want? Hell yes! But I compliment them and I am happy for them. I don't de-friend them out of petty jealousy.
This weekend was the two year anniversary of Thomas and I meeting. In celebration of this we bought each other a gift and had a wonderful dinner out with his parents and our friends. I posted a photo of the gift Thomas had gotten me, and this so-called friend's response just reeked of disgust for me and my "pampered princess" ways.
I've made more of an effort to be more vocal on her status'. Even when I don't have much to say. Obviously she's lonely and is wanting attention, but I absolutely REFUSE to stop sharing happy moments in my life just because of someones jealousy. I love my life, and dammit I plan to share it.
