False Alarm

No news to share. Some things just aren't in the cards. That doesn't mean that it won't happen in the future though. We always keep hope alive in the Mojangle household.

Good things come to those who wait...

Fool Me Once, Shame On You. Fool Me Twice...

I was wrong. Plain and simple.

She got me good this time, but it's going to end. I cannot and will not tolerate it. I will go to the ends of the Earth for those that I love. I will protect those who once protected me. I will not allow evil and selfishness to over take goodness.

Her and I are done. Forever.

Secret

I have one, but it's not ripe yet. Just sitting below the surface ready to burst. Something exciting. Something new. An adventure even.

Stand by...

Mother

I respect my mother.

She is the hardest working woman I have ever known. She can sell anything, and all while making you think she's giving you the best deal you've ever heard in your life but still getting her piece of the pie. She will go to extraordinary lengths to help her family. She would give her blood to provide financial comfort to a person she loves. I know this because she has in the past.

She is 51 years old and sleeps about four hours a day but she has as much energy as a 5 year-old who just ate a half dozen pixie sticks. She can run circles around me, and she never stops.

She can carry on a conversation with anybody about anything. She is intelligent. She is funny. She is capable of charming the pants off of you. Literally.

Her and I never had a typical mother/daughter relationship. That still hasn’t changed. That connection was never there and I realize now that it’s not her fault and it’s not my fault. We just weren’t designed that way. We weren’t meant to be mother and daughter, but that doesn’t mean we can’t be friends.

I spent six days in Las Vegas with her. Six days watching her, talking to her, and more importantly, listening to her. I needed that week with her more than I ever knew. I learned more about her in six days than I had learned in the last 30 years. She learned a lot about me as well. I am no longer the child and she is no longer the guardian. I am an adult with thoughts and opinions that are different from her. I am an individual. Molded in some ways by my genetic connection to her, molded in other ways by my own personal experiences in life. I am no longer the person she cannot relate to. I am now the person that she confides in.

I am proud of my mother.

She has over come the obstacles of life and has come out on the other side with a positive outlook on life. I used to resent her for decisions she made, and now I understand why. My resentment is gone and it’s as if a thousand pounds has been lifted from my soul.

Until just a few weeks ago I never knew these things about her. I mean I DID know but I didn’t understand. I couldn’t understand. I understand now.

I love my mother.

I have waited 30 years to say that, and truly mean it.

I turned 30 on Sunday.

30.

I have yet to completely wrap my head around it. I don't know what it means. If it means anything at all. It's a number, a number indicating how many years I have lived. 30 of them. 30 wonderful, heart breaking, exciting, terrifying years. And all I can think about is that I want them to stop increasing. Not because I want to be young and stay that way. But because the older I get the older my grandmother gets. My mother gets. My husband gets. My friends get. My sister gets. I do not fear my mortality, but the mortality of those that I love more than myself.

I am 30 and I can honestly say I have no regrets. I wouldn't go back and change an action or a thought because they have caused me to be where I am in this exact moment. I wouldn't change that for any amount of money.

I am 30 and I am so fucking blessed to have people in my life who sacrifice for me. Who scheme and lie just to put a smile on my face. I spent my birthday weekend with the three people in this world who I feel nothing but love from. No disappointments or strings, just love and thinking about it brings tears to my eyes.

I am 30 and I may not have a career in some high rise building bringing in mad baller cash, but I am loved dammit. I feel it every single day. I am loved for who I am, not a front that I put up. I am loved and I love in return.

I am 30 and I wouldn't want to be anywhere else than where I am right now.

A List Of Me

I am hilarious.

I am the proud owner of two spoiled mutts that I love as if I birthed them myself.

I own up to my feelings even when they are ridiculous and without merit.

I am no longer a blond.

I am tired of the bullshit that comes along with being an adult.

I am terrible at faking sincerity.

I make fun of my husband for being a nerd, but in all reality I am proud of him for the amount of knowledge he possesses.

I am grateful to have the kind of friendships that don't require a daily phone call in order for us to know how loved we are.

I make a mean pot of turkeyburger helper.

I want to quit smoking as a gift to myself for my 30th birthday, but deep down I am terrified of the weight I will inevitably gain because of it.

I joke how turning 30 scares me, but I'm not afraid. I plan to enjoy my 30's WAY more than my 20's.

I miss going to the gym almost every day.

I miss my family.

I stop missing my family after about 24 hours around them.

I love how Thomas and I ogle each other when we think the other isn't looking.

I actually enjoy diet beer.

I am judgmental of total strangers.

I directly compare how you look to what is in your grocery cart.

I am afraid of never figuring out what I want to be when I grow up.

I say "I love you" a lot. Because you never know when you won't be able to tell someone that again.

Still Kickin

I'm still alive, but I'm sure you were probably aware of that.

I have abandoned this blog, for reasons unknown. Only thing I can think of is that I've lost the desire to pour my guts out on my computer screen. To be honest I have absolutely nothing to spill about. I am madly in love with my husband/best friend, I am employed, I am well fed, I am healthy, I am happy.

Life is for living, and that's exactly what I'm doing.