But Chocolate Is Soooooooo Good

It's certainly not breaking news to hear that one's high self-image and self-esteem doesn't necessarily mean that when others see us we are slim, tan, with legs for weeks and ass for days. Loving yourself and being a hot doesn't always go hand in hand. I've known men and women of all shapes and sizes. Even the most beautiful woman on the planet can feel that she looks like hammered dog shit and completely hate herself while a women that society thinks is fat or obese or ugly or whatever has the most out-going personality and loves herself more than anyone one else ever could. How you feel about yourself and how other people view you are two totally different issues.

Even at my heaviest weight I loved me some me. I've always had high self-esteem and carried myself well. Looking back at old pictures of myself I cannot believe how I let myself go. How could I possibly have believed I looked good? How did I live with myself? It's simple really, I just did. I knew I was a good person, I knew I was attractive, I knew I was funny and smart. Even when I would look in the mirror and see the big girl staring back at me I was okay with myself. However, now that I am past that, I am harder on myself. I still love me some me, but just a little less. Why? Because I've stopped being "okay" with myself. Because I am no longer the Incredibly Shrinking Mo. Because I'm afraid of re-living the past.

At this very moment there is a large basket full of chocolate goodies sitting in the break room. Working in an office where you sit on your ass for 8 hours a day isn't hard physically but it's hard on the waistline. Working with all men who couldn't care less about their physique and who constantly bring food in is even harder. I'd like to say that I've stayed away from that basket and that the only thing that's passed through my lips today has been coffee and nicotine but I cannot. I gave in and now I'm feeling terribly guilty.

I've been slacking when it comes the gym and a second helping here and there are making for a bad combination. I'm not gaining weight but I'm not losing weight either. However, I'm getting softer. I've noticed it in my legs and in my waist. I've lost muscle tone and I've gained inches. I am no longer happy with myself. Don't get me wrong, I still love me some me but I'm not satisfied with what I see when I look in the mirror. And I have no one to blame but myself.

I have so much to look forward to this summer and I want to look my absolute best. It's time to get off my lazy ass. It's time to get back on track.