I Never Thought Summer Would Get Here

I guess it isn't "officially" Summer yet, but I deem it so when I step outside into the sunshine and immediately begin to sweat like a whore in church with a condom in her pocket. Which is a lot. I also wear good deodorant so, ya know, it's safe to stand next to me.

I've been such a slacker when it comes to the gym lately. I've also been eating horribly and drinking beer like it's going out of style. You know what I'm trying to say here right? Yes, I'm trying to say that I've gained weight. Not an extreme amount of weight but enough that when I walk by a full length mirror I think to myself that if I had ever wanted kids that I would make a fabulous pregnant chick. I have no excuses this time, I just got lazy. Hell I'm still lazy but at least I give a shit. Kinda.

Thomas and I started this week going back to our old routine of eating healthy and getting to the gym every night. We did it but in all reality what we really wanted was to sit at home and drink beer while eating a gravy drenched chicken fried steak the size of our heads. For the most part eating healthy sucks, but the benefits are well worth every bite of the broccoli. When we eat right and work out we have more energy, we feel better, and we don't look like we could give birth to a DingDong eating beer swilling 15lb mega-baby any day now. So ya know, there's pros and cons.

The Summer is already looking to be an eventful one. Pool parties and river trips and other activities that require that I wear something that resembles a bathing suit. In an effort to not make each person that sees me in a bathing suit reel back in absolute horror and disgust I am doing my part to shed some cellulite from my ass. And my thighs. And where ever else I have it. In order to do this I am going to do exactly what I did last year. Workout, eat right, have fun on the weekends, and give myself a goal.

The goal is 10lbs gone by the end of June. 10lbs in one month. That should totally be easy, right?

Right?

Gah.

Write That Down

I'm going to preface* this entire story by saying that there were very few pictures taken during the latest SWMH Club meeting. We were busy. Very busy. What with all the drinking and laughing and the talking, but it's not the pictures that matter, it's the memories. Even if those memories aren't of club hopping or singing bad karaoke. Memories are made by making numerous trips to the convenience store and one very important trip to Walmart. Memories are made sitting on the back porch and telling stories that make us all laugh until we cry. Photos aren't the most important things, friendship is.

Isn't that THE best excuse for not taking a shitload of photos ever??

As I sat in the airport waiting to leave a guy sat down across from me and then proceeded to make my eyes bleed.



Those are BLACK ankle socks. With brown slip on shoes. BLACK. WITH BROWN. And khaki SHORTS with a green shirt! As you can see, he's not wearing a wedding band because no woman would marry someone who dresses like that and even if she did she would NEVER have let him leave the house like that.

When I arrived in Phoenix I was greeted by an already crying Princess (you owe me $5 Thomas) and we did the whole run to each other and hug each other thing and I didn't even care if people thought we were lesbians.

Since we weren't heading to Tucson until much later in the day we headed to a local restaurant and proceeded to sip on this:



Yes, my friends, that is a bacon bloody mary and it was divine.

Soon we were in Tucson and we were all together! Finally! And we even had a new member joining us this time around. The time seems to fly when we're all together. It's almost as if the universe knows that we don't get to see each other very often and plays a cruel joke on us by speeding up time.

Before I knew it it was time to leave. Time to say goodbye to my wonderful friends and head back home. Tears were shed and I was heart broken. Eight months of not seeing each other is too long and God knows when I'll see them again.

To Slick, Spike, and Snoop - Thank you for such a fantastic weekend. Thank you for making me laugh until my face hurt. Thank you for my gifts and thank you for your friendship. I love you guys.





* LOL

Run Down

I was kinda hoping that the next time I wrote I would be doing it from the comfort of my corner office overlooking a golf course all while raking in huge amounts of money just because I am me, but alas, that is not the case. I'm sitting here from the not-so-comfortable office chair that has held my ass for last 7 years. Nothing has changed. I've applied everywhere, but no success. Just like with the weight loss I am not going to fret about it. I'll continue to make what I make now and make the absolute best out of it. I also pray each day for the strength to hold off the choking of my co-workers and/or clients.

This Thursday I will fly to Arizona for yet another fabulous SWMH Club meeting with my girls Elle and Princess. I haven't laid eyes on them since the wedding in September and I am giddy with excitement. Oh ladies, I have missed you so. I can't wait to get hammered with you.

You SO know there will be pictures. Lots and lots of pictures. Also, maybe some drunk posting.

Speaking of pictures...I have some. Let me show you them.


Thomas and I have recently embarked on a journey to find the perfect cheeseburger. Thankfully there are a shit ton of restaurants in the DFW area and most of them don't suck! We also enjoy taking photos of our food and posting them on FB to make our friends and family green with envy.







We don't just limit ourselves to hamburgers and fries. While man really can exist on those two alone (and beer, let's never forget beer) we also eat seafood and cheese fries. Really good cheese fries with bacon. LOTS of bacon.


In other news, my dogs are adorable.

Time For A Change

I'm bored. Not with my life, with my work. Day by day I feel my brain cells dying, and my soul slowing rotting away. I sell and service insurance every single day. What does that have to do with my soul, you ask? As my grandmother once said to me, "You sell insurance. You lie for a living." While I don't think that's necessarily true, I do feel like I bend the truth on more occasions than I care to really think about.

Each day I talk to the same people, I tell the same stories, and I deal with the same excuses. I realize we're in tough economic times right now, but do keep in mind that I don't make up the insurance rates. Don't yell at me. I just convince you to believe the reason I give you for your recent rate increase is actual truth, when in fact it's probably not.

For the most part I'm tired of dealing with the general public. No matter how much I try to fake it I am not, nor have I ever been, a people person. I don't like 99% of the population that walks on this planet. Mostly because people, as a whole, suck. They are argumentative, judgmental, uneducated, and lazy. I've worked with all kinds from all over the world and I can honestly say I just don't like the human race.

While I would love nothing more than to have a job where I can sit in front of a computer all day and type menial and mind numbing shit without ever having to deal with another human being all day we all know that just can't happen. You remember that movie 'The Net'? The one where she worked from home all day long doing interesting look internet-y type things? I would love that job. I would have everything delivered to my home and the only time my neighbors would see me is while I was sashaying my ass to the mailbox to pick up my sweet fat paychecks. But this isn't the movies and I'm no Sandra B.

I've applied for several jobs very very recently and I would love to have something happen soon. The jobs I've applied for have zero to do with insurance, but instead will allow me to use the skills I have gained over the years. The number one skill being able to kiss ass to those who make me money. I think I've put enough years into this business. I'm tired of kissing the ass of those who have nothing. It's time for me to move on.

Check In

Yea, I know. It's been a while.

Ya know, I think deep down I was kind of hoping this medication would be some kind of miracle pill. That I would take it every day like a good girl and BOOM! the weight would just melt off of me. Not so much. Have I lost weight since I've started taking the medication? Sure. A few pounds. It could also be my cutting back on carbs as well. Who knows. I will give the meds credit for one thing, I do feel better. I'm no longer needing to chew caffeine pills like candy or down energy drinks like water. I do have more energy, I do feel better. But it's hard to be giddy about it when it's not really doing what I wanted it to do.

I realize that I am being unreasonable. There is no miracle pill. Or drink. Or food. Or super simple 3 minutes workouts twice a week that you see plastered in magazines or online ads. It takes effort every single day to turn down that sweet, or that carb, or those empty colories. And each scale the scale inches lower. Ounce by ounce.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not downing myself here. I'm making progress, it's just slow progress. In this day and age of the I WANT IT NOW! GIMME! I know it's not healthy to lose the weight fast. It'll come off when it's ready to come off. Day by day, week by week.

I intend to enjoy my summer this year. I had a fabulous summer last year as well, but the thought of not being able to fit into that wedding dressed weighed on me like a ton. I was terrified. Absolutely terrified that I wouldn't be able to pull it off, but I did. GO ME! I still have goals I want to achieve, but I'm going to thoroughly enjoy myself this summer. I do believe that it's well deserved.

This Explains A Lot

Out of frustration and desperation I met with my doctor last week. I allowed him to take my sweet blood from my body in exchange for answers as to why I've stopped losing weight. Within days he had my results and finally provided me with the answers I've been looking for.

Oh the body, it is an amazing thing. It's also quite crafty.

Here's basically what happened: I was fat, then I lost a lot of fat rather quickly. Because of this my body was like, "Whoa. What a minute. WTF is happening here?". Because the body did not appreciate the losing of the fat that quickly it said, "Yea, this is gonna stop. Right...about...NOW. HA! Suck it, lady!". And that's what happened. My metabolism slowed right on down. Which meant that every thing I shoved down my pie hole was held on to and deposited as fat storage. Then when I would work out EVERY.SINGLE.DAY I would only burn just enough not to gain weight. Basically, I was maintaining. This wasn't good.

Thanks to the miracle of modern day medicines I am now on my way to kicking my metabolism's ass back in gear. HA, metabolism! I WIN! YOU suck it.

It's All Mental

I hit a mental and physical wall this week. After taking some much needed time off from gym in January and most of February I headed back last week. Eating clean, laying off of the booze, and working my tail off in the gym I figured I would be back to my pre-Thanksgiving/Christmas/Cruise weight within a couple of weeks.

Wrong.

If there is one thing I've learned from getting in shape is that having a good mental outlook is critical. When you're stressed you're more likely to eat or, to make matters worse, psyche yourself out of losing weight no matter how hard you try. I got to that point yesterday.

I handle the stresses of life quite well, at least I think I do. Thomas and I got through our move without divorcing each other. Work hasn't changed much at all. Life is just as great as it always is. One difference though, I got lazy and stopped putting effort into my workouts. I ate things I shouldn't have been eating. I was drinking more than usual. All of that equals pounds put back on. So I immediately put myself under the stress of getting rid of those pounds as quick as possible. In turn, my body and my metabolism gave me the middle finger. In two weeks, I had lost a pound. One single pound.

Yesterday I spent most of my morning thinking about what I was doing wrong. I was achy from head to toe from pushing myself at the gym. I was hungry even though I had plenty of healthy clean food within my reach. I had busted my ass at the gym every day for two weeks and there was no pay off. In desperation I began to scour the internet in search of the latest and greatest in weight loss pills. I had officially plateaued and no matter how much I ate or didn't eat or how much I lifted or sweat, I was at a dead end. I was both physically and mentally exhausted.

When you're strength and weight training and you hit a plateau you have two choices - either eat a cheat meal to throw your body back into fat burning mode or change up your routine. I chose the latter. I chose to change up my routine by going home after work yesterday and resting. I ate an extremely healthy dinner and got some sleep. It was exactly what I needed to reset my brain. I woke up this morning to a smaller number on the scale and a good outlook for tonight's workout.

There is a very fine line between putting pressure on yourself to lose weight and having a goal weight in mind. I get frustrated with myself when I don't squat what I think I should, or when I don't lose what I think I should lose. The body is directly affected by the mind, and if the mind isn't right the body will react negatively. I've set a new short term and long term goal for myself and at this point I'm confident I'll hit them both. However, I need to remember that it took a long time to gain the weight and it may take a long time to lose it. Some times it's quite okay to sit back, reset, and give myself credit for what I've already accomplished.