It's been almost three weeks since our trip to Vegas and ever since our return I've had something gnawing at me. Like that fly that gets in your house and then dive bombs your head or lands on your Dr Pepper can, it's annoying. Infuriating even. To the point where you'd rather burn down your entire house than use a fly swatter to kill the little bastard. Or maybe it's just me and my anger management abilities.
I'm about ready to burn the mental house down.
What has been gnawing at me is my family. Specifically my mother and my grandmother. To make matters worse (or is it better? I can't tell.) is that neither of them have any inclination. It's business as usual.
I wrote about my family's lack of enthusiasm before the Vegas trip. Hell, it took them twice as long to book as it did everyone else who came along. I even said to Thomas that I just hoped, when it was all said and done, that I didn't end up regretting inviting them. I wish it wasn't the case, but a part of me does regret it.
I had such an amazing time in
Las Vegas on our trip. I was surrounded by wonderful people almost constantly and I felt nothing but love from them. However, I did not feel this way when my mother and grandmother joined us, when they chose to and to be honest it wasn't very often or for very long. I wasn't concerned about their behavior or if I would be embarrassed by them. How they act is not a reflection on me, it's on them.
What bothered me was the way my mother tried to control a situation (and our vacation) when she had no right to do so. For example, when Thomas and I landed she informed me, through my sister via text message, that I was to give them a two hour notice if I wanted them to be some where. Without the two hour notice they would stay in their rooms,
un-showered all day, and would not bother themselves with showing up. When I did give them several hours notice during the trip they still chose to not participate.
What bothered me was how negative and insulting and full of complaints they were. Example: "
Las Vegas is too hot" "We're still on central time and at 8PM we are starving. I can't believe that you want us to wait this long to eat" "Those shoes are slutty" "I can't believe I spent this much money to get my hair done for this wedding"
What bothered me was how my mother chewed with her mouth open and talked with food in her mouth during dinner one night while sitting across from my dear friends.
What bothered me was when I told her - after only being around her for a mere 45 minutes and had already taken on several complaints and one or two insults - was that I really hoped she behaved like that the following night while she was eating the gourmet meal I was paying for.
I hit below the belt.
At the time the shock on her face and the redness in her cheeks was worth it but now that I look back on it it wasn't worth it. We were going to be surprising everyone with the meal. Originally we had asked everyone to pay for their meal at this particular restaurant but things changed and we had decided to make it a surprise for everyone instead. Unfortunately people found out here and there and only a handful didn't know. I wanted it to be a nice gift for them. A 'Thank You' for being there. For coming so far just for us. Instead my anger ruined it and it went from being a gift to more like a slap in the face.
I was angry at myself for letting them get to me. I was angry at myself for letting them attempt to ruin my night. I was grateful when the meal was finished and I chose to walk away from my grandmother and my mother. With my fake smile plastered on my face and the half-hearted hug goodbye with the statement that I was looking forward to seeing them the next day. Thankfully I was swept away by my then fiancee and gaggle of friends to celebrate our last night as two single people.
The day of the wedding my mom committed my
numero UNO pet peeve - she was late. Not just once. She was late to the appointment to get her hair done. The one SHE called me and asked ME to set up for her. She was late meeting the group before the limo arrived. Her, my grandmother, and my sister walked up just as the limo was arriving and then seemed to be irritated at me because I did not immediately tell her how pretty I thought she was. Instead of her telling me how beautiful she thought I was in my wedding dress all done up (with perfect hair AND make-up may I add) the attention had to be put on her. When we came back to the hotel to wait for dinner she insisted on returning back to her own hotel so my grandmother could change clothes. I had told her over and over and OVER again to be there shortly before 6PM to be seated for dinner. 6 arrived and all of us were seated at the table. My family was not there. Of course they weren't. Even though she had almost two HOURS to do whatever it was she had to do she was still late. They eventually waltzed in around 15 after 6. I will refrain from going into how she had a conversation at the dinner table with my in-laws about a subject that I expressly and courteously asked her not to have. One in which she promised me she would not broach.
By the time the trip was over I had had my fill of my mother. I was angry, and obviously I'm still angry. We haven't really spoken since we both came home. She's gone back to her constant ranting about politics and I've gone on doing what I was doing before Vegas. This past weekend Thomas and I went to a store and carefully picked out large and beautiful frames for our families. Tomorrow I will mail out a
framed photo to my mother and my grandmother along with a thank you note telling them how grateful we are that they came to be with us on our wedding day. I want them to know that even though they did not live up to whatever expectations I had set for them inside my own mind I did appreciate the effort they put forth to actually get out of the house and come to our wedding.
I realize that I'm kind of being a big baby about this whole thing. I mean really, who doesn't really dislike their parents from time to time? This is nothing new, especially for me, but it needed to be said. I needed to get it off my chest and hopefully when I put these words out there I can finally lay it to rest and move on. I will eventually get over this, it'll just take some time.
In the end our wedding and our trip was wonderful, magical even. The people we love, and who love us back, were there 100% in spirit and it showed. For those of you who read this and were there, thank you. Thank you for supporting us. Thank you for snapping me out of it and reminding me that Thomas and I were there for ourselves and were there for fun. Thank you for distracting me with shiny things and alcohol and for making me laugh even as I was crying. Thank you thank you thank you.
P.S. And thank you to Thomas for not telling me to suck it up but instead listening to me rant, holding me when I cried, and for being a wonderful husband even before we said "I do".
