We're Almost There

Everything is done. The planning, the shopping, and the waiting. It won't be long now and we'll be off to Las Vegas. Off to meet our friends and family and off to begin our lives together as a married couple.

I plan to cherish every moment in Vegas. Look around, take it all in, and remember being there. Sure there will be video and pictures (LOTS of pictures) but the memories we keep with us are the most precious. The memories that cannot be captured in still photos.

I am marrying my best friend, the man that I love. Surrounded by people who love us. It's all so gushy and sickeningly sweet, but it's the truth. Next Saturday I will take a vow, a promise, to be the best partner in life that I can be. I look forward to making that promise and I also look forward to living that promise every day in every way that I can.

Two Weeks Notice

We are officially two full weeks from being in Vegas and I am absolutely AMAZED at how time has flown. It seems like only yesterday Thomas and I announced we were engaged and then decided the when and where of the occasion. I knew all the way back in May that September would be here before I knew it.

Everything is done. The shopping, the alterations, the food, music, plans. DONE. Now we wait. We wait to board our flight and we wait to make our way down the aisle. I am giddy beyond belief and I cannot wait to see everyone. I miss my family and I miss my friends. I am so very grateful they will all be there to share in our joyous day.

It won't be long now...

Time Flies When You're Actually Enjoying Life

I'm not dead.

30 days to go until we leave for Vegas.

32 days to go until I marry this...



And I couldn't be any happier.

44 Days To Go And We've Got Gifts!

Thomas and I were in agreement when we first began planning our wedding that we would not be registering for gifts anywhere. We wouldn't ask for money, or fine china, or even a set of salt and pepper shakers. We were happy in the knowledge that we would be surrounded by the people we love the most at our wedding and they were kind enough to spend their hard earned money to go all the way to Vegas. However, some people just like sending gifts and I certainly won't turn down a perfectly good present.



Two heart pillows and beautiful picture from my Godmother and very awesome bride/groom luggage tags from The Princess.

The Dress: It Fits...Barely

Thanks to our new friend the Spanx Bodysuit (Seriously, all hail the mother effing Spanx) and a strapless bra I was able to get into the dress. Got into it AND it zipped up. Let us not talk about how much strength it took from Kimberly AND Thomas to zip it up. No, we won't speak of it. I was beyond thrilled that I had been able to finally get it on but the excitement ended when I realized that I hadn't taken a breath in over two minutes, my lips turned blue, and I passed out.

Just kidding.

I didn't pass out. However there is little to absolutely NO breathing room in this dress. With less than 60 days to the wedding I was terrified that I wouldn't be comfortable at all in this thing and that I wouldn't even be able to eat at our own wedding dinner. Alas, cooler (and much saner) heads prevaled and I was convinced that by the time the wedding came around I would fit into the dress perfectly. The official dress fitting is tomorrow and I'm thrilled at the prospect of walking into the store and telling them that the only change that should be made is the sash around the middle. No taking in or letting out necessary, thankyouverymuch.

57 days to go...

Please Excuse My Absence...Life Got In The Way

We've gone through famous people dying (RIP Billy Mays. I <3 you.) and a major holiday in which I got a day off of work and the angels cried and the people rejoiced. Amen. We're less than 80 days from the wedding and it hit me last night that WE ARE LESS THAN 80 DAYS FROM THE WEDDING ZOMFGWTFBBQ?!?!. I kinda had a freak out for a second because I'm been slacking lately in the healthy eating department and the working out department and I've drank a shitload of beer. Jesus Christ on a cracker I hope I fit into that dress. Oh, and now Thomas and I have started looking for houses to buy. A wedding and a home purchase within a month from each other. And before you ask, yes we are clearly batshit insane and should be committed.

I'm grateful that this last month has flown by so fast. I am so absolutely giddy about going to Vegas to marry Thomas that I pray for the days to pass faster but at the same time I am enjoying our summer together. We've had a great time so far and we have some even better things planned over the next two months. September 26th will be here before we know it.

She'll Be In Vegas

I received confirmation yesterday that my mother has finally booked her, my grandmother, and my sister for Vegas in September. Relief was my first feeling and happiness was my second. It's important to me that they all be there. To see Thomas and I get married. To actually have a vacation with my family. Something I haven't done in over 13 years.

The last vacation I took with them was a get away to South Padre Island not long after my grandfather passed away. We were all pretty beat down after dealing with his sickness and his eventual death and we needed the break badly. Most of the memories I have of our time together on the beach is of a great time spent together as a family. Unfortunately, some of the memories weren't so good either. My mother's alcoholism was present in every thing we did and even though she's been sober for over two years now it still effects us to this day.

My relationship with mom has been a rocky one for years and we're just now getting to a point where we can tolerate each other and even have a good time together. I've learned to accept that she's not the same woman I grew up knowing. She's softened a lot, but at the same time her mannerisms, her attitude, and her outlook on life has hardened. Maybe it's age or the bad cards she's been dealt from time to time in her life, either one can cause a person to be slightly bitter.

I'm not one to blame my parents for the mistakes I've made in my life. I don't blame my parent's divorce when I was three on the fact that I didn't get into an ivy league college and that I'm not making hella jack right now. What I do though is I blame my mother's alcoholism for my critical view of her. Her inability to embrace any kind of moderation in her life lead her down the path to rehab, twice. Each time she went away I was there to clean up the mess (literally) that she left behind. Each time hoping that this was the time she would stay sober and maybe she would see what she was missing in life by sitting on the couch drinking her days away. Her alcoholism has left her physically different, mentally different, and has permanently changed our relationship. I am cautious around her, to a point. I take everything she says with a grain of salt and a "I'll believe it when I see it" attitude. I'm more critical of her and quick to jump on her when she irritates me. I truly believe this comes from years and years of putting up with her bullshit and at the same time keeping my mouth shut when it comes to her. I'm at a point in my life where I refuse to keep quiet about her. She has let me down more times than I can count, but her being there for our wedding in September is helping me to forgive her.

Don't doubt this, I do love my mother. In some ways we are so alike it's scary and in others we are as different as night and day. I spent a good portion of my life looking up to her. Doing every thing I could to make her proud of me. When I finally realized that she was only human and was capable of her own failings is when her and I got to a point where we could never go back. Right now my disappointments out weigh the good feelings I have about her. But I applaud and appreciate her effort at this point. She's trying and so am I.

Sneak Peek

Because it's Friday, because I finally found a picture online, and because I just couldn't help myself...



Now, picture it with a black ribbon and bow, instead of the white one.

Lovelovelove

113 days to go...

117 Days...

So much progress for the wedding occured over the weekend. My dress: beautiful, fun, and ordered. Thomas' suit: he's gonna look amazing and reserved for pick-up in Las Vegas the day before the wedding. Thomas' wedding band: picked out, ordered, and also not near as expensive as I had thought it was going to be.

I had told myself that I wouldn't do a count-down to The Big Day. That I would take one day at a time, enjoy the summer, and wait patiently for September to arrive.

Seriously?

Who the hell was I trying to kid?

I am incapable of waiting for things patiently. I'm like a little kid the night before Christmas. I'm tossing and turning in my bed, just WAITING for the sun to peak over the horizon so that I can jump out of bed, wake my parents, and declare, "OMG IT'S FINALLY HERE! Now gimme my gifts!"

I'm not just impatient about the actual wedding day, I'm impatient about the whole damn thing. Seeing all of our friends and family together in one place. Spending four glorious days in Vegas with everyone. Of course, marrying Thomas is the number one item on the "Jesus Christ, is it September 24th yet or what?" list but the entire trip alone has me wiggling in my seat out of pure excitement.

We still have quite a lot to accomplish before we get there but we're on a roll. Now if only I can get through the next 117 days without driving myself absolutely insane...

Planning Stages

I have to admit, I'm really good at a number of things (finances, insurance, drinking beer, sarcasm, things that I can't say on this blog because come on, let's keep this at least PG-13) but when it comes to planning? Not so much. I get bogged down in the details and seem to lose sight of the end goal, whatever that may be. I freak out over the small things that I have control over and freak out even more when it seems that I have no control over anything.

When Thomas and I met we had both decided that at some point we would definitely want to get married again. Having not been completely and utterly emotionally damaged by our former spouses and knowing that we could do it better, SO much better, together it was worth the leap. I remember the day he asked me if we were to get married what kind of wedding would I want. I looked at him and said, "I don't do weddings". Which is true, in a sense. Due to the circumstances surrounding my first wedding (basically meaning my family and friends hated his guts and would never have come in the first place) we made an appointment at the local J.P. and got married on a Saturday afternoon. My marriage license was signed by two witnesses I had never met before in my life. We proceeded to go out to lunch and then he went to work that evening. How romantic! Good times, yessiree. However, I knew it wouldn't be like that this time around. I warmed up to the idea that a real and true wedding could actually be fun, as long as we did it the way WE wanted it.

So far this wedding has remained mostly non-traditional. I will not be wearing a white floor-length wedding gown, we won't be sending out invitations with bows and tissue paper, my mom actually saw a picture of the dress I wanted and deemed it "slutty", and we won't be married in a church. We're getting married in Las Vegas. Our "invitation" was sent via Gmail and told people to come, get drunk, watch us get married, and then maybe we'll hit a strip club. I'm still amazed, and grateful, for the number of people who didn't just say, "Yea, sure. We'll be there." But instead said, "Are you kidding?! We wouldn't miss this for the WORLD!" God I love our friends.

In another way that this has become the completely un-traditional wedding is that I have been pretty hands off on the planning. I did not check with the travel agent about prices, not just for our flight and hotel but for other flights and hotels for our guests, I did not book the wedding chapel and limo service. Hell, I didn't even write the email out inviting everyone. I have picked out my ring, looked for wedding dresses, agreed to specific hotel rooms, chapel packages, and dinner reservations. When it comes to planning this thing Thomas has been top notch and I couldn't be more grateful. He has taken some of the biggest stresses off of me and I absolutely love him for it.

September will be here before we know it, and even though there are plenty of stages completed I still have a lot of my own work to do before I walk down that aisle. I'll freely admit that most of my stress is self-induced. With work being in the "busy season" and knowing that I am not physically ready to fit into my "slutty" wedding dress I've been a little hard on myself lately. There's a lot I want to get accomplished and I know I have the ability to do it but even if I don't I know that at the heart of it all I am going to marry the man that I love. I am going to be the happiest girl in Vegas on September 26th. No matter what.

Lucky

At one point in the not so distant past I had come to the realization that I may never find that one person for me. I was content with my life and happy knowing I had a roof over my head, food (and beer, lots of it) in my belly, and a job that paid the bills. I had a wonderful beautiful group of friends who I knew would be there for me no matter what. I had a family that, even though I complain about them on a regular basis, loved me unconditionally. I had made it through some dark and desperate times and had come out the other side a smarter person. I had learned from my mistakes and did my best not to repeat them. I was a lucky lucky girl.

Then one day I met someone. Someone who made me smile, made me laugh, made me think, and made me want to be a better person. Someone who completely turned my world upside down and showed me that I was special.

When I met Thomas I thought he was too good to be true. Me, being the cynic and skeptic that I am, I waited for the other side. I waited for something bad to happen. I waited for my heart to be broken and for the disappointment that I thought was inevitable. It never happened. He proved to me time and time again that he was genuine.

Our first weekends spent together were amazing and I couldn't get over how well we clicked. We started finishing each other's sentences and almost became mind readers. We would laugh and talk for hours. Talk about our past, talk about the future. Talk about family and friends and tell old stories. What was once a leap of faith, a shot in the dark, turned into love. A magnitude of love that I never imagined I could feel. For once in my life I felt understood, loved, and accepted no matter my flaws.

After months of talking about it and weeks of planning Thomas and I have made it official. With a blessing from my family we picked out my ring and couldn't wait to tell the world that we are engaged.






As I think over the last 10 months of my life and as I look down at the beautiful ring I am wearing on my left hand I am reminded once again that I am a lucky lucky girl.